Monday, December 31, 2007

UPS truck

UPS truck in a snow covered cornfield
click to enlarge

crappy cell phone picture helpfully annotated.

During winter that curve is a car magnet. I almost slid into that ditch once and that would have been exceptionally bad because there was already a car in the ditch. It is common to see a car in that ditch but this UPS truck was prodigious and made it well past the ditch, plowed through the arrow sign and made it well into the cornfield.

Sliding on snow or ice is an incredible amount of fun as long as I don't get stuck in a ditch, hit anyone or anything and no one hits me.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Something I never noticed as a kid

Star Wars card #207 C-3PO in an excited state
not sure what is different about C3PO then click for a clarification

"I beg your pardon… what do you mean, 'naked'? My parts are showing?! My goodness!" ―C-3PO to R2-D2 in the Phantom Menace

Sure C3PO was whiney and prissy but now you know why Princess Leia kept him around. C3PO : love machine.

I checked Wookieepedia and it says he was fluent in 6 million forms of communication. You can tell just by looking at him that he specialized in the Romance languages. Note from the picture how, ahem, polished he is.

updated: I found this version
Star Wars card #207 C-3PO not in an excited state and missing something

Either C-3PO was castrated by a jealous meat bag trying to keep a good robot down or it is detachable.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Popular with the ladies

While Kuntz's is the place where all the guys want to get into this place draws the attention of the ladies.
big cock / rooster statue in front of Carl's Bakery, Cafe and Catering in East Peoria, IL
click to enlarge

big cock / rooster statue in front of Carl's Bakery, Cafe and Catering in East Peoria, IL
click to enlarge

Lousy picture i took while driving past at 40mph

Carl's Bakery, Cafe and Catering.
Examine the pictures for yourself and I think it is safe to say that Carl probably has the biggest cock in town. It is already wearing a hat and is ready for action. Nothing says you have baked goods for sale like erecting a big cock.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

a place to eat

Kuntz's Drive-In at Abilene, Kansas
Kuntz's Drive In

There are many things I could say about this...


I can't resist.

I've heard that if you eat there you risk getting hair stuck in your teeth.

If it merged with Super Duper Weenie would it be renamed In 'n' Out?

Imagine the advertising : "Eat at Kuntz's - your wife will appreciate it (because, you know, then she won't have to cook for you)"

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Winter Wonderland!

snow drifts the winter wonderland
Winter Wonderland
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening, 
In the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight,
We're happy tonight.
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Gone away is the bluebird,
Here to stay is a new bird
He sings a love song,
As we go along,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
He'll say: Are you married?
We'll say: No man, 
But you can do the job
When you're in town.

Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid, 
The plans that we've made,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he's a circus clown
We'll have lots of fun with mister snowman,
Until the other kids knock him down.

When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
Though your nose gets a chilling
We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

contrary to some people's misconception this is not a Christmas song. In fact it is about winter in general. People don't complain that the song "Day Tripper" should only be heard when on a short vacation or when involved with that type of girl so people should lay off of me if I whistle Winter Wonderland all year long.

"He'll say: Are you married? We'll say: No man"
Who knew people used "man" as a slang term in 1934 (when this was written)

"we'll conspire as we dream by the fire"
admit it. That sounds like fun.

"to face unafraid the plans that we made"
sound advice

"we'll have fun with mr snowman until the other kiddies knock him down"
life isn't fair. an important life lesson. Often this part gets left out

"We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way"
again, sounds like fun. I hear this part even less than the above. A wild guess : someone thought "the Eskimo way" sounded like sexual innuendo.

(It isn't really a song about winter - secretly it is a love song)

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Fidel and the ten dollar bill green american

A 1940 letter to Franklin D. Roosevelt, President of the United States, from Fidel Castro, budding dictator, asking :
"If you like, give me a ten dollar bill green american... because never I have not seen a ten dollar bill green american and I would like to have one of them."

I guess it never hurts to ask.

btw Is Castro dead yet?

If Castro were born into the internet age maybe he'd have become a Nigerian scam spammer. Or if he has himself cloned. A mini-Fidel.
Baby Fidel Castro proudly making a revolution in his diaper

Friday, December 14, 2007

Christmas nears

Christmas nears and I have a list of things to do and no shopping done but apparently I have time for this.
Merry Christmas?
click to enlarge

or sans the awful color.

Roland the red nosed dino had a very shiny nose. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names so he ate them. He's also sensitive about his overbite so don't mention it. He likes carrots and has problems with impulse control.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Japan looking East

a few japanese drawings made during Commodore Perry's opening of Japan to trade in 1853-54.

woodblock drawing by hiroshige of Perry's ship in Japan maybe the USS Saratoga
Hiroshige woodblock drawing - That flag is wrong. Quite wrong. Too many stripes and interestingly, it was apparently looked upon as not a field of stars but as a print pattern. It is probably the USS Saratoga. It had 10 gun ports but it seems the artist may have decided to put the 10 gun ports in 2 rows.

probably one of Perry's ship in Japan
Perry's ship the USS Mississippi was a hybrid sail / steam ship. The smokestack in the drawing appears made of wood or brick probably because that was the expected material for a chimney. Note the eyes on the ships masthead and stern: a black iris and a white sclera surrounded by a ring of blue. After all, it was the ship of the blue eyed barbarians - what else would blue-eyed refer to?
The Japanese vision of the USS Mississippi is fierce.

japanese drawing of sumo and sailor
"I can pinch an inch, manboob-san!"

japanese drawing of Commodore Matthew Perry
Japanese drawing of Commodore Perry. Not sure if I see the resemblance. Note the eyelids. I am slightly disturbed by the facial hair.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

gesture question

German-Italian propaganda poster from WW2 with Italian soldier making or nearly making a rude gesture
German-Italian WW2 propaganda poster
"per arruolarsi nella legione SS Italiana onore fedelta coraggio"
translates to
"to enlist in Italian SS legion loyalty honor courage" (or so says google)

Frankly, I think it looks like a rude gesture. I hate to show my ignorance but does the gesture still mean screw you with a wayward thumb sticking out? If so is it appeal to jerks to join up?

(I think it is poorly drawn too. The hand/wrist seems too broad. This bothers me.)

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

I can has gravity?

jaw droppingly funny or incredibly mean

politically incorrect B-29

sigh - this is why I love the internet. I vaguely recall a reading a book that had a picture of a WW2 bomber with a clever name painted on the side, a quick search later and I'm looking at it.
B-29 bomber Fu-Kemal (AKA fuck 'em all) from
pic from here

Friday, November 30, 2007

Tiepolo Angels

Education of the Virgin by Giambattista Tiepolo
detail of Education of the Virgin (full picture)
the title sounds like an adult movie. Creepy disembodied angel heads. Curly hair that looks like the product of overnight curlers.

Triumph of Zephyr and Flora by Giambattista Tiepolo
detail of Triumph of Zephyr and Flora (full picture)
Wha! Insect wings! Technically not angels but angel-like guys near Flora the Roman goddess of flowers & spring and Zephyr god of the spring winds.

Martyrdom of St John Bishop of Bergamo by Giambattista Tiepolo
detail of Martyrdom of St John Bishop of Bergamo (full picture)
must be a tailored shirt to fit the wings growing out of his armpits. Consider for a second the practical difficulties of putting a shirt on if you have giant wings on your back. (apparently, Saint John of Bergamo died of natural causes but due to a translation error was thought to have been assassinated)

Nobility and Virtue Striking Down Ignorance by Giambattista Tiepolo
Nobility and Virtue Striking Down Ignorance (larger picture)
one pervy angel with his hand up another angel's dress (surely not Virtue's dress!) or as I like to call it "Touched by an Angel" (the entire painting)

Vision of Saint Anne by Giambattista Tiepolo
detail of Vision of Saint Anne (full picture)
creepy disembodied head angels alongside more normal angels. I would think that would mean that there is a specific distinction of some kind between them but I don't know what.
more on her

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Take a deep breath...

Take a deep breath, compose yourself, and then learn that :

1) in 2003 Galib Andang of the Philippine Islamist separatist terrorist group Abu Sayyaf was captured by the Philippine government. He was also known as Commander Robot.

2) He was not called Commander Robot because of his cold robot-like sense of mission or because of his android-like deep calculated planning. He was called Commander Robot because of his proficiency at doing the Robot dance. link

No news on the current locations of General Mashed Potato, Captain Electric Boogaloo or Corporal Cabbage Patch.

(I would like to mention that he was not a member of the Philippine terrorist group Moro Islamic Liberation Front - known by their initials MILF who are probably the world's most popular terrorist group if judged by a quick google search. MILF=over 23 million results vs al Qaeda=less than 4 million results)

Saturday, November 17, 2007

potential ad for the 1.618 Weekly (version 2)

Here is version 2 - I think more readable will hopefully prevent people from coming up to 1.618 and asking about towers or the archeology of Babylon.


I think it would look good on a t-shirt or a billboard.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


Happy Halloween.
halloween card type thing
click to enlarge or else you won't be able to read it

please note Frankenstein's feet

Made for a friend and her husband who dressed up as Homer & Marge Simpson : Homer's SNPP ID badge and a Duff beer label to wrap around a can (links to PDF files).

Homer Simpson Springfield Nuclear Power Plant (SNPP) ID badge

Simpsons Duff beer can label - Beer is 12 ounces of fermented love in a can

Sunday, October 28, 2007

potential ad for the 1.618 Weekly

potential ad for the 1.618 Weekly

modified from this which in turn was inspired by Bubblicious Bubble Gum

Saturday, October 27, 2007

a mathematical proof

I did not do this so I can not take credit for its cleverness. I found it on the internet somewhere. You have to admit it makes a compelling case.

mathematical proof that girls equal evil

Thursday, October 25, 2007


I've noticed that TimB doesn't beg for money on every post. I guess his dignity restrains him. Fortunately, I don’t worry about his dignity.
give 1
give 2
give 3
give 4
give 5
give 6
give 6 version 1(with minor vulgrity)
give 7
Tim B and his money

Monday, October 22, 2007

Just so you know...

"The heart is like many an instrument, it must be rubbed up and used a lot so that it keeps bright and well."
- Edgar Degas

Some of worst reasons I've ever heard for getting married

a woman who married a guy she didn't really like because she wanted a baby. Eventually they divorced and she told me she wanted to get remarried because she wanted somebody else to mow the lawn (she had more reasons but that was the first one she mentioned)

"I don't know how not to be married." woman got divorced and even before the divorce was final she was looking for a new husband. - not looking for someone to date - she was looking for a husband.

"He has a good job with room for advancement!" (She was really excited about that. He was a total dork. He would brag about how, if not for a wrist injury, he could have been a professional bowler (btw I can only assume that she rejected me because my likelihood of becoming a professional bowler is quite low). she also told a girl that he wasn't very good at, ahem, certain things. Her friend pointed out that men are trainable and she responded with why bother it doesn't last very long.)

I asked a guy I worked with why he married his unattractive, overbearing, mean and petty wife and his first response was "Well, all my friends from college were getting married..."

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Ass World Express

Ass World Express in Peoria, IL
click to enlrge

Ass World Express : for all your ass and ass related needs and wants!

Ass World Express : Like Federal Express but worldwide and with ass.

When your ass absolutely, positively must be on time use Ass World Express

rejected Ass World Express slogan : What can brown do for you?

(I suppose I should point out this from a different view. Still, it is a simple pleasure of mine to drive by and briefly see "Ass World Express")

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

for 1.618

a flower for 1.618. just because.
drawing of a flower for 1.618

I tried to do a watercolor but it was a disaster. Luckily I had used just enough water that it didn't spontaneously burst into flames due to its own ugliness. I need to practice more. The drawing isn't great either but it is the thought that counts.

a photograph of the flowers in the watercolor.
flowers for 1.618
click to enlarge

(actually you can see the watercolor in the background and it looks much better out of focus.)

Sunday, October 7, 2007

The time a middle aged German woman tried to kidnap me

When I was probably about 10 years old the family went to Arizona to visit some relatives and see the Grand Canyon. At the Grand Canyon I saw a large shiny red Mercedes tour bus. Soon, two German women came up to me and started speaking in German. I had seen enough old World War 2 movies to know how to say "Sprechen sie deutsch?" but in the movies no one ever replied "No, I don't speak German" in German so I didn't know what to say and I said nothing.

Soon, she was barking orders at me in German. I stood there. She glared down at me. Suddenly, she grabbed my arm and started to pull me back to the bus. I regained my balance and dug in my heels. Then I gave her a look of "Are you crazy! Are you trying to kidnap me! What's wrong with you!" It probably would have worked better if I had said the words instead of trying to express the thoughts in a look.

I should mention that I have a fair amount of German (technically Prussian and Swiss) heritage and I've been told that I look German. More than once people have walked up to me, assumed I am German and tried to start a conversation in German.

The other woman was now back with the bus driver. Apparently everyone else was on the bus except for the two old women and the little blond boy they were trying to kidnap.

With the arrival of the bus driver the old woman crossed her arms and started looking smug. The bus driver straightened himself, put his nose in the air, looked down at me, outstretched his arm, pointed to the bus, and started saying things loudly in German.

At this point, I considered getting on the bus. I was somewhat bored and I thought it would be an adventure. I thought I could go for a ride and when they found out I wasn't German they would be obligated to take me back where they found me. I bet that fancy bus has a refrigerator in it. I could get a nice cold Coke. Who knows where they would go next.

As I stood there looking at the bus, the bus driver grabbed my arm and started to drag me back to the bus. His grip was much tighter and he lifted me off the ground as much as he dragged me. Startled by this, I finally spoke. He let go of me and turned and stared at the old woman for a little bit and turned red. Then he apologized and explained that "These women thought you were German." He sounded angry. He said "these" with the word drawn out and almost hissing. While they walked back to the bus, with the bus driver holding the arms of the women to guide them, the old woman, looking slightly confused, kept craning her head around to look at me - the little blond boy she was so close to having.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Putty tat escalation

Sylvester the cat letter opener
Putty tat escalates feud with bird by replacing tail with large unsharpened, but somewhat pointy blade sticking out of his butt.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

A subtly explicit painting

Kathrin Crowell by Thomas Eakins 1872
click to enlarge

Kathrin by Thomas Eakins
1872, Oil, 62.75in (1.59m) x 48.25in (1.22m)

Kathrin Crowell was the sister of Thomas Eakins' school days friend and brother in law Will Crowell. In 1874 they were engaged but did not set a date. Some have speculated that Eakins wanted to establish himself before taking on the responsibility of marriage. However, apparently, progress was slow and she died in 1879. There is other speculation about their relationship but nothing definitive.

This was his first major portrait although it isn't thought to have ever been exhibited during his life. Notable is that it is a candid portrait. It isn't a stiff "someone sitting in a chair looking important while they get their portrait painted" sort of portrait. It is a brief moment of her life. She isn't looking at the viewer nor to the right or left. She is looking down with her face in shadows. My instincts say that her face is in shadows because he saw a technical challenge and wanted to show that he could.

Like many (maybe all) of Eakins' portraits he does not idealize or try to make pretty. I don't know how she felt about that. I suspect she would have wanted him to paint her as a beautiful, pink tinted angel. He studied in Paris under Jean-Leon Gerome, notable pinup artist of the 19th century, and likely had the ability but chose to paint a plain, rough reality.

In a letter to his sister in 1868 he wrote "If I ever marry it will likely be with a girl of southern feeling good impulses & heart healthy & able to bear strong beautiful children" When I first read that I thought it sounded a little strange but then i realized I'm not sure what someone should be looking for. (btw in the book there was no comma. I'm not sure if was looking for a girl of "southern feeling good impulses" (I'm not exactly sure what that would mean) or a girl with "southern feeling and good impulses")

Oh, why is this an explicit painting? Take another look at it. She is fanning her self while toying with a kitten in her lap. Or to put it another way : She is getting hot as she plays with her pussy (meow!). Yes, pussy really was a slang term used during the 1800s. I don't know if that was his intent or I have a dirty mind.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Friday, September 28, 2007

another for the 1.618 Weekly

Profiles in Idiocy - the Sea Shepherds for the 1.618 Weekly
(click to enlarge)

by me, not 1.618
more on the Sea Shepherds :
Sea Shepherd - Galapagos Islands Listed as a World Heritage Site in Danger

The Sea Shepherds (last seen ramming whaling boats) have decided that the birthplace of evolution should not be subject to Natural Selection.
Dogs illegally brought to the islands by fishermen have killed hundreds of iguanas and drove them into hiding.

but they do bring good news from the Galapagos:
There is even one ship that transports only beer to the islands on a regular weekly run from the mainland.

then they go back to being sticks in the mud
Tourist numbers must be restricted. Illegal immigration must be curtailed and the population stabilized. Invasive species must be removed. The law prohibiting dogs and cats must be enforced. Development must be halted. Poaching must be eradicated and punitive sentences against poachers imposed. The Galapagos rangers must be given more authority and they must be armed.

Sportspage for the 1.618 Weekly from 1.618

Sportspage for the 1.618 Weekly by Tim Blairey Tam
(click to enlarge)

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

More sample pages of the 1.618 Weekly

click image to enlarge
Behind Closed Doors a political expose only in the 1.618 Weekly

Behind Closed Doors a political expose only in the 1.618 Weekly!
extra large version

the 1.618 Weekly 2nd issue alternate cover
issue #2
(special edition cover)
extra large version

Sunday, September 23, 2007

for The 1.618 Weekly

Admitedly, poorly drawn but the drawing isn't the point.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Oh, Canada!

In a bid to discredit Canada at the United Nations, Iran is equipping world diplomats with a 70-page booklet on Canada’s alleged human rights violations.

Yes, Canada , the Great White North. I wonder if it is just a list of people Iran thinks Canada should have hung from a crane?

I hear that page 3 says "I know you are but what am I?" and pages 4-17 are all about the human rights violation of claiming Canadian Bacon is bacon.

Friday, September 21, 2007

The 1.618 Weekly the second edition (coming soon!)

The 1.618 Weekly second edition

(I'm pretty sure karaoke in a thunderstorm is a bad idea. Also, is it a free t-shirt that says Paco on it or is it a Free Paco! t-shirt because he is being wrongfully imprisoned?)

The 1.618 Weekly second edition sample page

Salad pancakes with salad? Waffles are always and in every way better than pancakes.

Dminor is Dr. polute

Thursday, September 20, 2007

The 1.618 Weekly (advance proof)

(click to picture to enlarge)
or click here for the really large version (about 700K)

1.618 requests Ashy's opinion

Monday, September 17, 2007

new logo for the U.N.

United Nations logo with an accurate slogan - The United Nations always doing something without doing anything

in honor of 1.618's entry at tb.

also the other day I color corrected the picture of Green Peter Garrett (Aaaaaarrrrrrgh, fire baaaaad!)

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Note to new parents (this means you, Ash)

storage container warning
Do NOT store your child in a waterproof container! Even if it is raining! Make do with a tiny baby umbrella.

(as an aside, the kid in the illustration doesn't even fit in the container. Someone would have to force the lid closed)

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Over the edge

A friend of mine for about 10 years is over the edge. She has always been a lefty. She used to be fun to argue with. I rarely convinced her to change positions but I think I showed her that there was logic and reasons why people disagreed with her it wasn't (just) because conservatives are evil. And she showed me that I'm a heartless bastard and I'm okay with that.

We drifted apart over the years. We see each other less and less. Also, she would say she'd call me back tomorrow and not actually call for 2 weeks. I don't like that. It has been about a year since I last heard from her. I sent her a Christmas card in January. I think it's over. I'm not sure I'm disappointed, the last time I was with her wasn't entirely fun :

1) she prefaced this by saying "you'd have to be a idiot not to realize this" : She claimed that in order to be middle class in the United States that you have to make at least $200,000 a year. I laughed out loud and asked if that was the median and where and how that figure came from. She had nothing to back it up, but she knows it is true. (btw, this isn't NYC. She lives in an older but nice house that cost less than 100K - I wonder what she would do with $200K/year)

(I think she got tired of saying "You'd have to be (enter pejorative here) to think (something she disagrees with)" only to have me volunteer that I might, in fact, be evil or stupid. She'd make a face of complete horror every time.)

2) she claimed that "Big Pharma" only steals research from the NIH and produces almost no useful drugs. They then sell non-useful drugs at unreasonablely high prices. The price needs to be lower so everyone can have access to these non-useful drugs. She also claimed that "Big Pharma", apparently since they have nothing else to do, creates diseases in order to sell a cure. I asked if she have any proof or evidence or even implication of this massive conspiracy involving thousands of people all over the world? I thought she'd back down. Basically, they are corporations, therefore evil, and therefore can be presumed guilty without any evidence at all.

3) she was really rude to the waitress when the kitchen screwed up her salad. Technically they screwed up her order 3 times but it was a gigantic salad and it wasn't like they accidently put an undercooked goat's head in it. Too many sprouts, aiiieeeeeee! And it wasn't the waitress's fault that the kitchen screwed up. She got huffy and declared that she knows one of the owners and that he'll be hearing about this. That she was a nice person was one of the things I liked about her.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

For relief from aches and pains

scan of 1971 magazine ad for a cordless massager- but she doesn't look like she has figured out the varied ways it could be used
scanned from a 1971 women's magazine (may have been Good Housekeeping but I don't recall)

(aspiring model runs to her mother with magazine in hand)
"Mom! Mom! Look! Look, I'm a professional model!"
(mom's jaw drops)
(about a minute of awkward silence)
"Honey, do you... do you know what that is?"
"Sure, I do! It is a deep, penetrating cordless massager. It says right there on the page."
(aspiring model points to the magazine)
"Sweetie, do you know what that's...ummmm... used for?"
"Well, duh!! You can tell by the picture! When my jaw gets tired I can use that to relax it"
(mom faints)

the ad's text:
"Enjoy the benefits of a cordless massager - Beauty is more than skin deep. Deep gentle penetrating vibrations from battery-operated massager soothe neck, shoulder muscles, arms, legs and tired feet. Helps stimulate skin to a new radiance when used with your favorite creams and lotions. Revitalizing vibrations bring satisfying relaxation; relief from aches and pains and stimulates circulation. Cordless massager comes in 3 models. Uses standard size batteries (not included) available everywhere." (The 3 models are the "Mini Massager", "Regular Massager" or "Deluxe Massager" (4.5", 7" or 10"))

By the way, it does say "satisfaction guaranteed or money back"

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Freshly squeezed

Rembrandt's the Jewish Bride aka Isaac and Rebecca
click to enlarge

They say this is not an image of some guy squeezing her melons for freshness.

This is a Rembrandt painting called "The Jewish Bride". Although painted in the 17th century it was titled "the Jewish Bride" in the 19th century because it was thought to be a father placing a wedding necklace on to her. At some point, someone must have asked why the father would cop feel and it was decided that he must be the groom. Now it is looked at as a biblical illustration of Isaac and Rebecca's wedding.

I find it interesting because :
1) he is totally copping a feel. Really. If he were transiently draping the necklace over her shoulders then would her hand be touching his the way it is? It is a caress for him to linger. Would he hold the necklace that awkwardly? His right hand holding it by his fingertips. His left hand resting on her shoulder. Note the shadow from his thumb falling directly on her not above her. (Art historians seem to disagree and stick with the necklace story - it is possible that I am a dirty minded horn dog who is seeing things)

2) They aren't looking at each other. Or at anything in particular. Each lost in their own thoughts. Ignoring each other except through touch and even that seems minimal. (more obvious in the large version than the small)

3) They don't look happy. Boobs make men happy and I believe that to be a universal truth. He looks like he is going to knock on it and listen for an echo. If you cover the right side of her face then I think she looks serene if not happy. Cover the left and she look sad and worried. Together, I think she looks stressed.

The lesson to be learned from this painting : all her jewelry didn't make her happy - he should have tried flowers.

another random obeservation:
His right arm is enormous! Three possibilities : he has an old woman's upper arm fat, he has been spending every lonely night without her building his strength in that arm or he is wearing a puffy shirt.