Saturday, May 17, 2008

semper ubi sub ubi

link Peter Beaumont broke open an egg and was shocked to find a dead gecko inside. “I was cracking the eggs into a pan when I noticed one of them was all cloudy. I looked at the shell and saw a tiny gecko,” he said....
“Certainly the gecko wouldn’t have been ingested by the bird. It would be physically impossible for it to make its way from the digestive tract into the area where the egg’s formed,” said the corporation’s research and development manager, David Witcombe.

“So it’s a case of the gecko actually making its way through the cloaca of the bird and onto the developing egg.”

Mrs Gecko : Where have you been?
Mr. Gecko: Out.
Mrs. Gecko: Well?!?
Mr. Gecko: Well what?
Mrs. Gecko: Well, did you get me anything?
Mr. Gecko: (sheepish) I tried...
Mrs. Gecko: My mother warned me that you were a layabout! Do you think I want to start a family with someone who can't provide for me?
Mr. Gecko: I tried to get you some chicken! I killed a chicken but it was too big to drag back.
Mrs. Gecko: (rolls eyes) mmmm hmmm...
Mr. Gecko: I did! Then i tried climbing up a chicken's cloaca to get you a farm fresh egg... It was horrible, just horrible, I could barely breathe! I thought I was going to die!
Mrs. Gecko: Need I remind you that a female Gecko can reproduce without needing any participation from a male? (impatiently tapping her foot, arms crossed and lips, if geckos have lips, pursed)
Mr. Gecko: Baby, how about I get us some KFC with gravy & some biscuits and after you calm down I'll get in touch with you about that cloaca plan.
Mrs. Gecko: You get me a chicken today or you're never touching me again!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

politician training


...Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father's existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing "Halo" on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel.
Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

The $1,000 a night girls sensing something up played "Halo" on the Xbox with the kids, instead of selling their sexual services.

Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician.

He does sound like a politician :
he games the "I'm disabled" PC system
spent someone else's money
took money from one to bribe someone else to like him
spent it on something he didn't need
spent far too much for what he got
spent it on something without understanding what it was for (if he knew what to do with them he would have had a much different answer when asked why he ordered two)
the money was spent with very little to show for it