scanned from a 1971 women's magazine (may have been Good Housekeeping but I don't recall)
(aspiring model runs to her mother with magazine in hand)
"Mom! Mom! Look! Look, I'm a professional model!"
(mom's jaw drops)
(about a minute of awkward silence)
"Honey, do you... do you know what that is?"
"Sure, I do! It is a deep, penetrating cordless massager. It says right there on the page."
(aspiring model points to the magazine)
"Sweetie, do you know what that's...ummmm... used for?"
"Well, duh!! You can tell by the picture! When my jaw gets tired I can use that to relax it"
(mom faints)
the ad's text:
"Enjoy the benefits of a cordless massager - Beauty is more than skin deep. Deep gentle penetrating vibrations from battery-operated massager soothe neck, shoulder muscles, arms, legs and tired feet. Helps stimulate skin to a new radiance when used with your favorite creams and lotions. Revitalizing vibrations bring satisfying relaxation; relief from aches and pains and stimulates circulation. Cordless massager comes in 3 models. Uses standard size batteries (not included) available everywhere." (The 3 models are the "Mini Massager", "Regular Massager" or "Deluxe Massager" (4.5", 7" or 10"))
By the way, it does say "satisfaction guaranteed or money back"
6 comments:
Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear 1.618,
In my interest to relieve you from any aches and pains I volunteer to be your personal massager. I am generally superior to the mechanical types in several ways :
1) I do not require batteries
2) I am cordless (you can take me almost anywhere!)
3) the ad says "soothe neck, shoulder muscles, arms, legs and tired feet" However, I can also soothe other parts. (for example, hands, back and more! You'll have to wash your feet before I'll massage them, but that's just hygienic.)
4) I may be less of an embarrassment to be seen in public with rather than with the mechanical type
5) I was designed not to roll away if left on an inclined surface.
6) your satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!
yours,
Col. M.
1) I do not require batteries
(That's a good thing considering I'm up at 6O'clock each morning in the park)
2) I am cordless (you can take me almost anywhere!)
This is a good thing as each morning at 6am I'm at the park and it's a good thing to know you're portable.
3) the ad says "soothe neck, shoulder muscles, arms, legs and tired feet" However, I can also soothe other parts.
This is a good thing as at 6.30 am I would love a personal rub down after my daily exercise.
4) I may be less of an embarrassment to be seen in public with rather than with the mechanical type.
I might look more embarrassing.
5) I was designed not to roll away if left on an inclined surface.
This is handy to know, as I'm told I like to roll and alot.
6) your satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!
ROFLA>>>>>
3) I would love a personal rub down after my daily exercise
I'll definitely see how I can work this into my commute. I'll have to double check where the international date line is and get back to you.
4) we'll see.
5) to clarify: I am certainly capable of rolling, but am designed not to accidently roll (that would be embarrassing)
6) ROFLA
-sniff- your laughing after I promise you satisfaction makes me slightly insecure.
6. correction, satisfaction guaranteed
I'll have the Deluxe edition thanks.
I have plenty of knots in my shoulders...
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