Note to new parents (this means you, Ash)

Do NOT store your child in a waterproof container! Even if it is raining! Make do with a tiny baby umbrella.

(as an aside, the kid in the illustration doesn't even fit in the container. Someone would have to force the lid closed)

Over the edge

A friend of mine for about 10 years is over the edge. She has always been a lefty. She used to be fun to argue with. I rarely convinced her to change positions but I think I showed her that there was logic and reasons why people disagreed with her it wasn't (just) because conservatives are evil. And she showed me that I'm a heartless bastard and I'm okay with that.

We drifted apart over the years. We see each other less and less. Also, she would say she'd call me back tomorrow and not actually call for 2 weeks. I don't like that. It has been about a year since I last heard from her. I sent her a Christmas card in January. I think it's over. I'm not sure I'm disappointed, the last time I was with her wasn't entirely fun :

1) she prefaced this by saying "you'd have to be a idiot not to realize this" : She claimed that in order to be middle class in the United States that you have to make at least $200,000 a year. I laughed out loud and asked if that was the median and where and how that figure came from. She had nothing to back it up, but she knows it is true. (btw, this isn't NYC. She lives in an older but nice house that cost less than 100K - I wonder what she would do with $200K/year)

(I think she got tired of saying "You'd have to be (enter pejorative here) to think (something she disagrees with)" only to have me volunteer that I might, in fact, be evil or stupid. She'd make a face of complete horror every time.)

2) she claimed that "Big Pharma" only steals research from the NIH and produces almost no useful drugs. They then sell non-useful drugs at unreasonablely high prices. The price needs to be lower so everyone can have access to these non-useful drugs. She also claimed that "Big Pharma", apparently since they have nothing else to do, creates diseases in order to sell a cure. I asked if she have any proof or evidence or even implication of this massive conspiracy involving thousands of people all over the world? I thought she'd back down. Basically, they are corporations, therefore evil, and therefore can be presumed guilty without any evidence at all.

3) she was really rude to the waitress when the kitchen screwed up her salad. Technically they screwed up her order 3 times but it was a gigantic salad and it wasn't like they accidently put an undercooked goat's head in it. Too many sprouts, aiiieeeeeee! And it wasn't the waitress's fault that the kitchen screwed up. She got huffy and declared that she knows one of the owners and that he'll be hearing about this. That she was a nice person was one of the things I liked about her.

For relief from aches and pains

scanned from a 1971 women's magazine (may have been Good Housekeeping but I don't recall)

(aspiring model runs to her mother with magazine in hand)
"Mom! Mom! Look! Look, I'm a professional model!"
(mom's jaw drops)
(about a minute of awkward silence)
"Honey, do you... do you know what that is?"
"Sure, I do! It is a deep, penetrating cordless massager. It says right there on the page."
(aspiring model points to the magazine)
"Sweetie, do you know what that's...ummmm... used for?"
"Well, duh!! You can tell by the picture! When my jaw gets tired I can use that to relax it"
(mom faints)

the ad's text:
"Enjoy the benefits of a cordless massager - Beauty is more than skin deep. Deep gentle penetrating vibrations from battery-operated massager soothe neck, shoulder muscles, arms, legs and tired feet. Helps stimulate skin to a new radiance when used with your favorite creams and lotions. Revitalizing vibrations bring satisfying relaxation; relief from aches and pains and stimulates circulation. Cordless massager comes in 3 models. Uses standard size batteries (not included) available everywhere." (The 3 models are the "Mini Massager", "Regular Massager" or "Deluxe Massager" (4.5", 7" or 10"))

By the way, it does say "satisfaction guaranteed or money back"

Freshly squeezed

click to enlarge
They say this is not an image of some guy squeezing her melons for freshness.

This is a Rembrandt painting called "The Jewish Bride". Although painted in the 17th century it was titled "the Jewish Bride" in the 19th century because it was thought to be a father placing a wedding necklace on to her. At some point, someone must have asked why the father would cop feel and it was decided that he must be the groom. Now it is looked at as a biblical illustration of Isaac and Rebecca's wedding.

I find it interesting because :
1) he is totally copping a feel. Really. If he were transiently draping the necklace over her shoulders then would her hand be touching his the way it is? It is a caress for him to linger. Would he hold the necklace that awkwardly? His right hand holding it by his fingertips. His left hand resting on her shoulder. Note the shadow from his thumb falling directly on her not above her. (Art historians seem to disagree and stick with the necklace story - it is possible that I am a dirty minded horn dog who is seeing things)

2) They aren't looking at each other. Or at anything in particular. Each lost in their own thoughts. Ignoring each other except through touch and even that seems minimal. (more obvious in the large version than the small)

3) They don't look happy. Boobs make men happy and I believe that to be a universal truth. He looks like he is going to knock on it and listen for an echo. If you cover the right side of her face then I think she looks serene if not happy. Cover the left and she look sad and worried. Together, I think she looks stressed.

The lesson to be learned from this painting : all her jewelry didn't make her happy - he should have tried flowers.

another random obeservation:
His right arm is enormous! Three possibilities : he has an old woman's upper arm fat, he has been spending every lonely night without her building his strength in that arm or he is wearing a puffy shirt.

Pipe Appeal

Scanned from a 1940s magazine.
He has -ahem- "Pipe Appeal"
Note the 1940s leaf raking uniform : hat, sweater vest, pipe. Possibly doubling as his picking up chicks outfit.
Exposure to his "pipe appeal" may have caused her lunatic stare. (click the picture to judge for yourself)
What guy wouldn't want a girl interested in his "pipe appeal"?



This second ad explains that "Pipe Appeal is that 'something extra' that has a real appeal to women"

"You're really 'solid' - when you've got P.A. (Pipe Appeal)" - Conversely, if you are not solid then you probably don't have the Pipe Appeal that the ladies enjoy.

meh.

This isn't funny or really even very good. I should have done it in oils. I would have had it done much quicker and it'd look more consistent. It doesn't look like I thought it would.