Merry Christmas

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Star Wars butt

One of my nephew's Legos caught my eye.


She also has painted on cleavage. Neither the thong nor the cleavage causes any rancor from me.

ElectricLightLand

(Seen at TB but posting at TB's seems broken at the moment, so...)

The great thing about a propane/butane or other torch is that it actually produces visible light. climatetorch.com didn't even remember to list that as a feature. Visible light can be useful. I'm not terribly impressed with their torch. (note the poor kid has had a 50% reduction in her carbon shoe print)

Does it even have a means to produce light on it? It may be a stick not a torch.

Next Earth Hour it may be time for GE to rerun this ad from 1939

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Sad tractor

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This Ford tractor is sad after having flipped over.

pinup from 1752

this painting by François Boucher may other redeeming qualities but mostly I just notice that it looks like a pinup.

Don't be stupid

Once I rented a 26 foot moving truck. Before he would give me the keys the guy went through the paper work and spent a few minutes telling me to use the mirrors and to signal when changing lanes, to be aware of the truck's length, to brake early enough to allow for the truck to stop, etc. All really obvious stuff. I nodded politely and said "so, basically, you are saying don't be stupid."

If you think these products really need a warning label then I'd make it something simple like "Attention : Don't be stupid."



"Pleases the whole family... A new thrilling recreation as you beautify your lawn." I would want one even more if it were powered by an actual rocket.



5 pounds of cyanide for only 3 bucks. Cheaper and probably easier than using your Rocket Mower to take out a squirrel. But why not use something a bit more personal like the Aeroil burner :



With a 2000º F, 30 inch flame you can use it to destroy weeds. The ad specifically recommends it to kill weeds, seeds and roots, disinfect poultry and livestock quarters and claims 99 uses.

Note that the farmer is wearing both a hat and tie as he uses his mini flame thrower.

Also note that it was sold out of New Jersey, a place that now bans fireworks (even sparklers) and requires a BB gun to be regulated as a firearm (despite a BB gun's complete lack of fire)

Things illegal

A man caught carrying a large gobstopper in a sock has been fined £400 after it was found to be an offensive weapon.

link here

His defense defence argued that the sweet was "a substantial piece of confectionary" which could be eaten but he also said that he needed it for protection after he was attacked. Note that he was not accused of using it to hurt anyone or threaten anyone with it.

"Hard, suckable things illegal in Scotland" would have been a better headline.

or

"Edinburgh police say : Large object in man's pants could choke someone"

A cowboy's dream

scanned from an old Am Heritage.

A 20 shot revolver. I found Henry Josselyn's patent online issued Jan 1866.

Surprisingly, the patent doesn't mention that, once you ran out of ammo, you could swing it at someone like a chain.

There might be some issues fitting it in a holster.

It turns out not to be the only high capacity revolver. See here and here.

Fourth of July

I've always been a fan of the phrase "We the People..." so here are some people.

Hot or Not?

Mrs Ahmadinejad (the one on the right dressed in the black tent) :


image source
Hot or not?


The Ahmadinejads in Malaysia where Mrs Ahmadinejad cuts loose and shows some skin like a brazen hussy in an attempt to drive men wild (She feels she must. She worries Mahmoud might stray and take a fancy for someone else. He said there were no gays in Iran; he didn't say there were no gays in Mahmoud.)



image source

Mrs. Ahmadinejad: Hot or not? (note that "hot" refers to attractiveness and not that she might be uncomfortably warm)

May be ineffective read

A Canna Lily is a flowering plant. You can buy a canna bulb, plant it and grow your own but be aware that a "Canna bulb" is not a plant that eats other plants.



(If it doesn't seem funny try saying it out loud. If it still doesn't seem funny then it may not be funny.)

Winged monkey

link

Double Minty exercise

A graceful cheek line...depends very much on chewing
The new, taller hairdress accentuates the infatuating contour of a woman's face. No matter which way she turns her head, the rounding and lovely curve of her cheek line dominates the picture. Keep this line from looking old and saggy; chew Double Mint gum. This gentle exercise 5 to 10 minutes daily aids in toning up unused and lazy facial muscles. Try this new Beauty Treatment.

from the Things that won't end well dept.

"We shed a lot of blood for this country. We are not going to give up our country for a mere X on a ballot. How can a ball point pen fight with a gun?" the Herald, a government mouthpiece, quoted Mugabe as saying.link

If Zimbabwe had the Second Amendment then he would probably show more respect for people's votes. (note that I wrote "show more respect" not "have more respect")

word

Recently, I turned on the TV, switched to the old movie channel and a moment later the word "SLUT" appeared on the screen. I was shocked and, of course, hurt and confused. The TV and I had always had a good relationship, at least I thought so. To call me a slut was uncalled for and, I would argue, not a very accurate. I pondered getting written statements from witnesses to testify to my mostly good character.

But then it turned out to have been the last bit of a Danish movie and "slut" is the danish word for "end." TV and I are back on speaking terms.

And now I can argue with someone, make my case and signify the end of my statement by saying "Slut!" Or criticize their lack of knowledge and signify the end of my statement by saying "Ignorant! Slut!"

photo

admittedly it isn't 1.618 quality...

identity not yet verified...

Identity not yet verified... but it appears to be young detective Paco with unnamed dame.

Sticks and stones

sigh

The Canadian Human Rights Commission’s plans for their future headquarters.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will have their viciousness adjudicated at a latter date." just doesn't have the same ring to it.

The Chief CommissarCommissioner of the CHRC says "Freedom of expression is the life blood of democracy"...and so we need to limit freedom of expression just like how we sometimes have too much blood and need medieval leech treatment or how we need to cut ourselves repeatedly like we were an emo kid wearing eye make up and a corn chip hair cut. And of course an unelected bureaucrat should decide when you've been bled enough.

Three concise reasons freedom of speech is important :
1) freedom of speech for the sake of freedom of speech
2) restricting speech does not change what people think
3) restricting speech inhibits discussion and limits the opportunities for people to have bad ideas discredited

Tornado news

Tornado hits Manhattan, Kansas. Among the wind/tornado damage at K State University : "...the Wind Erosion Lab was destroyed."

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Also hit was Chapman, Kansas a small town I've been to many times. It is a friendly little place.

At first the news was depressing but then I realized that even after the tornado, Zimbabwe is still a bigger disaster.

Natural Selection says "...missed it by that much!"

Photo by Mike Brown / The Commercial Appeal

Ashley Byrne, a Washington, D.C.-based campaign coordinator with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), talks with Memphis police officers during a recent demonstration outside City Hall that coincided with World Vegetarian Week. When officers inquired about the well-being of intern Shawn Herbold (bottom) and volunteer Thomas Olsen, a sweat-soaked Herbold replied that she was in pain and feeling nauseated from the heat after being wrapped in cellophane for 30 minutes, and also asked how much longer she needed to stay there. Byrne let her know it wouldn't be much longer and left her under the hot afternoon sun for 30 minutes more while debating with the officers. PETA would never treat a cow that way, but I guess it's OK for an intern. Many organizations that focus on extremes could take note that leading through example makes more impact than demonstrating with hypocrisy. "1,000 Words" is a weekly pictorial commentary on events in Greater Memphis and around the world. Today's "1,000 Words" was written by Mike Brown, a photographer for The Commercial Appeal.

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risking another human being in the tiny offhand chance of convincing someone to go vegetarian and thereby saving a cow is one kind of stupid but risking your own life because some irresponsible peta tool told you to is another kind of stupid.

Besides any fool knows not to leave meat sitting out in the sun. But peta isn't any fool.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (or as his friends call him Mahmmy) trying to find god.

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad explaining that if he discovered his nose was gay then -bang!- he would shoot it.

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on day 4 of the 7 day self-help course "Learning to Point"

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spends the day with a finger up his nose because the Supreme Ayatollah Khamenei told him to.

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says "Uh... derrr..."

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad explaining that the dangling booger was due to a devilish plot perpetrated by the Great Satan and the Zionist entity. He then forces the dangling booger to cease its counter-revolutionary activities.

Carbon Rich

After careful, time consuming and stressful cultivation my scheme completely benevolent plan to become rich from dealing in carbon credits has begun. I can now say that I have planted thousands of trees. A small forest.


Some of my freshly planted trees face more hardship than others but I'm still counting them as trees planted.


Update :
Just cleaned out the gutters (again) of more than enough potential trees to fill a 5 gallon bucket. More Carbon Riches.

But these seemed different. They seemed noble, self-sacrificing and a little patronizing and then I realized that these must be good and kind-hearted socialist maples. These I decided to sow in a pile where each tiny tree can work cooperatively, submerge themselves to the greater good, and each will be sure to use only its fair share of resources.

Tops!

A Harley-Davidson motorcycle magazine ad from 1947. Apparently, in 1947 Harley's target demographic was creepy looking guys with dimples who lure unsuspecting young females onto his cycle to take a leisurely ride somewhere isolated where voices may carry but no one is around to hear.

Meanwhile, the young lady waves as if she is the Queen of England.

Action In The North Atlantic

"Action In The North Atlantic" is a war movie made in 1943. I have yet to see the whole movie in a single sitting but It could be considered a war propaganda move except that it is a pretty good movie. Humphrey Bogart commands a Liberty Ship on his way to the Soviet Union during WW2.

items of interest :

•The germans in the U-boat spoke german! Not even subtitled! At first I thought it was done to dehumanize the germans, make them less easy to relate to, but then the Russians didn't speak english either (except for "Liberty Ship" which somehow they picked up)

•Bogie punches out a guy in a bar who was gossiping about ship movements. In some movies he would have been a Nazi paid informant sent by Hitler himself and the essence of evil. In this, he was just a drunk talking about what he saw. I suppose in the modern version George Clooney would whine about a conspiracy against free speech.

•It ends with Bogie lighting his own merchant ship on fire (Really! to lure the U-Boat to the surface) and then he rams his ship into the U-Boat. Once they get to the USSR everyone is happy but Bogie. He's thinking about "the trip back."

•The Nazi submariners die a horrible death and there is not even half a moment of grief about it.



The Russian pilot sees the Liberty ship and pumps his arm while giving the peace sign. Almost.

semper ubi sub ubi

link Peter Beaumont broke open an egg and was shocked to find a dead gecko inside. “I was cracking the eggs into a pan when I noticed one of them was all cloudy. I looked at the shell and saw a tiny gecko,” he said....
“Certainly the gecko wouldn’t have been ingested by the bird. It would be physically impossible for it to make its way from the digestive tract into the area where the egg’s formed,” said the corporation’s research and development manager, David Witcombe.

“So it’s a case of the gecko actually making its way through the cloaca of the bird and onto the developing egg.”

Mrs Gecko : Where have you been?
Mr. Gecko: Out.
Mrs. Gecko: Well?!?
Mr. Gecko: Well what?
Mrs. Gecko: Well, did you get me anything?
Mr. Gecko: (sheepish) I tried...
Mrs. Gecko: My mother warned me that you were a layabout! Do you think I want to start a family with someone who can't provide for me?
Mr. Gecko: I tried to get you some chicken! I killed a chicken but it was too big to drag back.
Mrs. Gecko: (rolls eyes) mmmm hmmm...
Mr. Gecko: I did! Then i tried climbing up a chicken's cloaca to get you a farm fresh egg... It was horrible, just horrible, I could barely breathe! I thought I was going to die!
Mrs. Gecko: Need I remind you that a female Gecko can reproduce without needing any participation from a male? (impatiently tapping her foot, arms crossed and lips, if geckos have lips, pursed)
Mr. Gecko: Baby, how about I get us some KFC with gravy & some biscuits and after you calm down I'll get in touch with you about that cloaca plan.
Mrs. Gecko: You get me a chicken today or you're never touching me again!

Trouser Mouse

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The Trouser Mouse in Blue Springs, Missouri.
Ocean City, Maryland is the home of the Bearded Clam. They should partner and do vigorous and interesting activities together.

Arrrrr kay, so you'll give my pegleg back and I'm free to go?

the good news : “French commandos went in with guns blazing and captured a gang of pirates who days earlier had hijacked a luxury cruise ship”

the bad news :  “the British Foreign Office issued a directive to the once vaunted Royal Navy not to detain any pirates, because doing so could violate their human rights. ...captured pirates could claim asylum in Britain”
link

I'm tempted to pen a letter to No. 10 Downing Street and remind them that Britannia is an island.

an old photo

While I am probably related to someone in the picture, I have no idea who. I thought I would put this up so google can find it and perhaps someone somewhere will have an interest in it.


click for much larger image (about 600KB)

U.S. Army 131st Field Artillery, Camp Stuart, VA
March 17, 1919

inscribed :
"131st Reg. F.A. A.E.F., Mch 17th '19
Photo by Holladay Newport News, VA #3356"
(F.A.A.E.F. is the Field Artillery, American Expeditionary Force)

The sensual saint

Saint Francis et His Four Ladies by Joan Mowat Erikson

An interesting little book that I bought at a book sale a few years ago. It includes this quote from Archivum Historicum, vol.13, trans. Nesta de Robeck, Quaracchi, 1920 concerning a dream/vision had by Lady Clare about Saint Francis of Assisi. Erikson prefaced the quote with "(Clare saw Francis as having the attributes) of a nourishing mother, being a source of both spiritual and sensual sustenance." Personally, I think the sensual aspects overwhelms the motherly aspects.

"The Lady Clare also told that once she had seen St. Francis in a vision and she was bringing him a jug of hot water and with this she was ascending a long stairway, but so easily that it was as though she walked on the level earth. When she reached Saint Francis, he bared his breast saying: "Come, take and drink." And having sucked the Saint exhorted her to do so again: which doing what she sucked was so sweet and delightful that she could in no way describe it. And having sucked, that roundness, or the mouth of the pap from which the milk flowed remained in the mouth of blessed Clare; and if taken in the hand what had remained in her mouth seemed something bright and shining in which all could be seen as in a mirror, in which she saw her own reflection."

(I also can't help but wonder if there may have been a translation error somewhere)

random thoughts about wildlife

random thoughts and observations about beaver...
1) Many beavers are industrious and work hard causing them to perspire - consequently those are sweaty beavers.
2) While building dams, beavers spend a lot of time in the water and become wet and slippery.
3) Nothing seems to makes a beaver happier than having a big piece of wood between its lips.

Ex libris

I've always wanted a bookplate. They seem cool. Classy. Something everyone should have. Then I realized :
1) I don't like defiling books. Sticking a bookplate does seem like book abuse
2) marking books to say "this is mine" seems pointless. I know it is mine. Does anyone else care. I doubt anyone will walk up to my book shelves and bewilderedly ask whose books are these? Perhaps if I lent my books to a wider group of people...
3) If I don't have a reason for a bookplate then having one would be vain
4) I have quite a few books and I don't want to go to the trouble of adding a bookplate to each

However, I kept doodling even as I thought of the above.

dangerous alligator

nothing spells danger like an alligator with opposable thumbs.

smoking 2

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my guess at the translation of the last panel : "After an evening of scratching, biting and rolling around in the dirt, my cock is tired and sore and I need a cigarette. A Philip Morris cigarette."

Nothing sells cigarettes like a cockfighting celebrity endorsement.

smoking

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Since I can't read Filipino I can only guess that the smoking scuba diver is explaining the intricacies of smoking a cigarette while underwater while wearing a mask connected to an oxygen tank.

Smoking while swimming shows a real commitment.

grapefruits

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Jean Fouquet's Virgin and Child, right half of Melun Diptych, a painting from circa 1450

I don't think Fouquet quite had a complete grasp of foreshortening as the Child appears to be floating.

I would call this an example of a Gilligan's Island boob job : a boob job that appears to have been done by the Professor from Gilligan's Island by inserting a coconut under the skin.

It seems the model was King Louis VII's mistress Agnès Sorel. I would have guessed that Jean Fouquet couldn't find a single female model in all of France so he substituted a pair of grapefruits. He included a large enough space between the breasts to add a third if he had so wished.

Angels painted bright devil red and dark blue? Um, okay then.

Mr Bangy Bunny

it’s Friday, it’s not rabbit pie day….. or I’ll shoot yee!

Sent in by luckyfoot.

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another by...luckyfoot

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How to make Americans interested in Cricket

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This is just wrong

not a photoshop

theoretically useful

Although advertised as a bathroom rug I think it might make a good welcome mat. If a girl comes to my door and I see her wipe her feet by stomping up and down and digging her heels into the rug for 5 minutes then I could close the door and pretend I wasn't home.