Ash, If your child cannot be shown or refuses to hold a tiny baby umbrella over her head (did you try offering her a tiny frilly unbrella that she might find more ladylike?) then here is the proper alternative method : 1) sit the child upright 2) get out an umbrella (make sure it is a large umbrella) 3) open the umbrella 4) position the umbrella shaft next to the baby's spine 5) make sure the umbrella shaft and baby spine are roughly parallel 6) duct tape the umbrella shaft to the baby from the waistline to underneath the baby's arms 7) Success! A dry (and non-slouchy) baby!
Ash, All the good parenting books find that acceptable but note that to insure your little one doesn't get damp you should still tape (not staple!) her to something vertical.
So... you're telling me I bought that staple gun for nothing?
Dammit!
When I first found out I was pregnant, a friend gave me a book called "What Not To Do When Raising A Child". I read it, and it gave me plenty of great ideas.
For example, one chapter was on being out in public, and it said something like "Do not permit your child to wander around talking to strangers. The child may say something rude to unknown people of unknown character." I promptly recalled when I was out with my neice a few years ago and she walked up to an extremely heavy woman and said "How come you're so fat? Are you a lesbian?", and the woman promptly went nuts. I was trying not to die laughing.
Col. Milquetoast was one of the thousands of monkeys banging on typewriters since the mid-seventies trying to recreate Macbeth. Having become disaffected by the intense pressure involved, his complete lack of talent and his superior's refusal to make use of his prehensile tail he quit to lead a simple but mostly contented life in the midwest. Occasionally he writes in third person when there was no good reason not to write in first person.
6 comments:
But what if it's raining? I don't want her to get wet and catch a cold!
Ash,
If your child cannot be shown or refuses to hold a tiny baby umbrella over her head (did you try offering her a tiny frilly unbrella that she might find more ladylike?) then here is the proper alternative method :
1) sit the child upright
2) get out an umbrella (make sure it is a large umbrella)
3) open the umbrella
4) position the umbrella shaft next to the baby's spine
5) make sure the umbrella shaft and baby spine are roughly parallel
6) duct tape the umbrella shaft to the baby from the waistline to underneath the baby's arms
7) Success! A dry (and non-slouchy) baby!
Not one of these Colonel?
Your idea has much merit though. A proper lady does need to have good posture.
Ash,
All the good parenting books find that acceptable but note that to insure your little one doesn't get damp you should still tape (not staple!) her to something vertical.
So... you're telling me I bought that staple gun for nothing?
Dammit!
When I first found out I was pregnant, a friend gave me a book called "What Not To Do When Raising A Child". I read it, and it gave me plenty of great ideas.
For example, one chapter was on being out in public, and it said something like "Do not permit your child to wander around talking to strangers. The child may say something rude to unknown people of unknown character." I promptly recalled when I was out with my neice a few years ago and she walked up to an extremely heavy woman and said "How come you're so fat? Are you a lesbian?", and the woman promptly went nuts. I was trying not to die laughing.
So... you're telling me I bought that staple gun for nothing?
That's too funny..
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