Friday, August 31, 2007

Unappealing niceness

There is a woman at work that I have never liked. She is too nice. I've been convinced from the first time I met her that it was fake. Most people seem to assume she is genuine.

The first time I met her she acted like we were best friends, spoke like she'd known me for years and she was "hands on"[1] She was like that with everyone. I guess some people liked the attention but i think that is like someone bragging that they slept with a hooker. If it is available to everyone then it is meaningless that you got it.

Also, a year or 2 ago she called, said "Hi, how are you?", I responded with "I'm miserable", to which she said "That's good, can I speak to Jim." I mean, if you are going to pretend you care and ask then you should at least pretend to care enough to listen to the response.

Today, I overheard a conversation outside of my door. Apparently someone quit, called her and wanted to personally come in and say goodbye because the quitter was fooled into thinking that M. cared. M. then went on about how she was glad the she was quitting, that it was difficult for her not to tell her that and basically mocked that the quitter for thinking that she felt otherwise.

No point to this other than to say that I like her a bit less than I did before and that, in this case, my gut instincts were right.

[1] by "hands on" I mean she touched people in ways she probably read in a book would be reassuring or familiar. I don't mean she was groping me or sliding her fingers up my thigh but due to my aforementioned irresistibleness I can't rule out that she wasn't thinking about it.


1618 said...


Don't worry, sometimes people say things and are unaware of what they really mean or say. You have great empathy, some never understand what this means.

My advice, accept the action she did, accept how you feel, but understand tomorrow is a new day, and the world is there for you to open up new possibilites.

1618 said...

If that fails and she's really really, really, really, really really, really really REALLY unbearable send her a Quit smoking brochure in the mail or a gambling annon. brochure, this will get her thinking.

1618 said...

p.s. It was a beautiful sunny day here in Australia.

1618 said...

p.s. It's me again, Colonel are you a professional writer or a journalist?

Col. Milquetoast said...

PreScript: it has been hot and humid here (dew point was 78F yesterday) but otherwise nice. The worst is that initial shock of stepping from air conditioned perfect comfort to the humid outdoors and then into my car which has had the sun beating on it for hours.

Col. Milquetoast said...

understand tomorrow is a new day
I try. With her, I'll never put my full 100% faith in her but I believe in giving people the opportunity to redeem themselves. I am fallible and I can't expect others not to be fallible too.

Unfortunately there have been a few people over the years who I simply cannot look at without my view being colored by what they've done. I practically only see their bad behavior. (one was an old boss who was so irresponsible and incompetent that he accidently quit) At that point I just try to limit my dealings with them and keep it professional.

a Quit smoking brochure
? never read a quit smoking brochure before so I'm unclear...Is that supposed to make her think she'll get lung cancer if she keeps acting catty or...?

Col. Milquetoast said...

No, not a professional writer or journalist. But if it would make you swoon I would buy and pretend I am.


Ash said...

It is really, really irritating when people go to extreme pains to be nice, yet never really pay attention.

I find, and most people probably do, that I like it much better when people who ask me about my life actually do pay attention, and do know what I'm talking about.

Of course, the perfect response to "I'm miserable" varies on how well I know the person. If I don't know them terribly well, I'll say "I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do for you right now?", but if I know them well, I'll say "What's up?" and sit down and talk about whatever the problem is.

1618 said...

Hello Yummy mummy Asheee.

I agree sometimes it's better to respond because it's about good manners.

Otherwise, it's a bleak and cold world.

Ash said...

Well, the Gorgeous 1.618, object of Col. Milquetoast's affection, I'll always respond, because sometimes people just need a response. Email me, hon, and I'll tell you more about what I mean. It's not for here.

1618 said...

Morning Everyone.

Col. Milquetoast said...

20 minutes after someone asks me how I am I think "Doh! I should have said 'fine' and then added 'and how are you?'" I almost never ask people how they are. I'd like to think that when I do then people know it is in genuine interest. Or they assume it's the one day a year I'm not a bastard.

by the way, I've found that when you ask "how are you" in the middle of a conversation they sometimes look at you funny.

Col. Milquetoast said...

Hi 1.618,
How are you?

Ash said...

Good morning, 1.618 and the charming Col. Milquetoast.

I trust we're all well this morning?

Col. Milquetoast said...

Hi Ash,
I'm fine and how are you?

Dear 1.618,
Unlike some chaperones, yours seems quite polite and friendly (and I'm not just saying that to get on her good side)

Ash said...

I'm pretty good today Col. The baby's having a quiet day, although that could be because she woke me at 3 am. Not my finest hour.

And here I was, all innocent and naive, thinking that babies came with Snooze alarms.

moko said...

hey col i like ur blog.

1618 said...

Goodmorning Ashy and dear Colonel,

Ashy, I've sent you a little email to you this morning.

1618 said...

Well, my friends, it's Monday we have the APEC here, that means the President of the USA is coming and that means protesters.

I've got my water bottle armed and filled ready for the bogans when I'm in the city and I'll squirt if necessary to get to work.

Col. Milquetoast said...

You get 'em, 1.618! They doubtlessly need a shower so I suggest you throw bars of soap at them too.