the Pioneer Plaque

Since a simple star map would become distorted over time by gravity and expansion, the Pioneer plaque used distance from pulsars and the pulsars frequency to note its origin.

wiki notes that the arrow denoting the Pioneer spacecraft's origin received criticism because "arrows are an artifact of hunter-gatherer societies like those on Earth; finders with a different cultural heritage may find the arrow symbol meaningless"

Similarly , one could criticize the drawing of humans drawn in a simplified way that the vast majority of people can understand but may not translate to an alien that would have drawn in a topographic way or drawn heat or sees in another alien way.

But should aliens expect some other aliens' (Earthlings') spacecraft to not use their own language and their own symbols?

Morbo: Hmmm… judging by this the puny humans are nearly as tall as this spacecraft and the spacecraft is several times larger than their planet!

Kang : you have to admit that their planets are evenly spaced in a manner that is pleasing to the eye.

Morbo : The puny humans, don't realize that will only make it easier for Morbo's people to conquer their solar system!

Kang : It's a shame they haven't figured out a phonetic written language.

Morbo : Yes, for these puny humans to have spent so much effort to send a craft so far without asking how we are or describing how they taste is the height of rudeness!

Kang : Yes, yes, their message mostly seems to be about having us looking at them naked and they have drawn some disembodied boobs in the upper left...

Kang : I'm not sure if that is a frontal view or a top view or both.

Morbo : Puny humans only draw 2 bosoms! Pathetic!

Morbo : but these tasty circuits boards have all sorts of cryptic markings on them.

Kang : it must be a secret message. Perhaps it is a clue to a hidden treasure like in that Nicholas Cage movie.

Why not engrave a text explanation on the back or to the side? When dealing with aliens advanced enough for space travel, more information would be more useful. I think if we were to receive a message from aliens the more information received would be better.

(btw, I've always been annoyed at the fact that the 2 people are superimposed over the Pioneer craft – floating in front of it – instead of standing on the same plane as the spacecraft and standing in front of it.)

Thoughts from the Phallocracy

Mary Daly, feminist formerly of Boston College and currently dead, once said "If life is to survive on this planet, there must be a decontamination of the Earth. I think this will be accompanied by an evolutionary process that will result in a drastic reduction of the population of males."

So, like me – a member of the Phallocracy in good standing – Mary Daly envisioned and yearned for a future very much like a harem.

I suppose the only difference would be the eternal question of whether the dress code would be more like I Dream of Jeannie or more like J.A.D. Ingres' Turkish Baths.

p.s. "decontamination" is an interesting choice of words. I'm sure the problem of what would be the best and most proper term to use led her to consider her words carefully before she chose her final solution.

on musicals

Above is "Life's a Happy Song" from the Muppet movie with music & lyrics by Bret McKenzie (the beardo half of Flight of the Conchords aka NOT the sideburns dude from Flight of the Conchords) and it sounds like it. Bravo.

The problem I have with musicals is that not everything is sung. If everyone always sang then there would be a single point of suspension of belief : these people are crazy good at rhyming, improvisation and performing. Since everyone doesn't always sing then that implies it is still a difficult task requiring forethought and training.

Everything goes along like a normal day only occasionally, out of the blue someone will burst into song and then random people in the background will do a little back up singing and, of course, a bit of dancing. (not really out of the blue, it is usually at a significant event or preceding a significant event. Rarely, if ever, is there singing about eating breakfast or putting on socks)

Does this happen every day? Is that how everyone knows the words and have seemingly well practiced their synchronized dance moves? Are the back up singers/dancers paid or is there some social obligation that if someone starts singing then everyone else is expected to join in?

Are the songs made up impromptu or do they hire writers? Choreographers? Rehearse? Do they keep singing basically the same song everyday and eventually it gets better?

Sometimes, does one of the lonely background people decide to start singing and then does everyone else join in or is that reserved for certain people? Could someone jump up onto a table and start singing and dancing and then that would make everyone else believe they are part of the "star" social class?

What happens to those who can't sing or dance; are they shunned? Or when the dancing starts are they required to leave the room and hide or pretend to be a tree until the number is over?

Superman vs Spider-man

Joe Hildebrand on Superman vs Spider-man :
I count Superman and Superman II as the same movie. Spiderman just isn’t the same. I just can’t have an arachnid as a role model.

My response :
I can't let this stand without a response.
1) Spider-man is not an arachnid. You might try to claim that 2/3 of his name is "Spider" but that is just the letters. If you measure the number of words that make up the name spider-man you'll find that only half are "spider" but a full 50% are "man"
2) Superman is an alien! An arachnid is at least an earthly species. If Superman looked this alien would he be your idol?
3) Superman wears a cape. Some people might say the cape is faaaaaaabulous! but I say it shows Superman's narcissistic tendencies overwhelming his sense of practicality. He also wears a yellow belt that isn't a utility belt. Spider-man wears a skintight costume because he does gymnast like activities while avoiding villians. Superman is invulnerable and wears a skin tight costume because he's vain.
3a) Superman would need inexpensive Viagra and prescription-free oxycodone and a psychic to deal with the beautiful vacation lesbians that would help him quit smoking and get free money from the government for his laboratory glassware. (more keywords to get Joe more search hits)
4) Superman rhymes with pooperman
5) Spider-man can be called Spidey. Do you call your role model Superman Soupy?
6) You could plausibly get bitten by a radioactive spider, but your parents building an interstellar rocket, wrapping you up in swaddling and sending you and it to an inhabited and human inhabitable planet where you would have super powers? Not as likely.
7) While I don't intend this to cast aspirations on your character; a perv with X-ray vision could give an unknown number of people serious illness.
8) Do you want someone who can't realistically have sex as a role model? (See Man of Steel Woman of Kleenex by Larry Niven)

Future Oscar Winner

Joe Hildebrand on how to win an oscar :
"Of course if you’re a member of the Academy and spend your life at sushi dinners talking about how challenging French cinema is you can’t actually take into account whether a film is good or not. You just have to make sure it either contains a Nazi, a homo or a retard."


My response :
You are right that what would be golden would be the story of a gay retarded nazi. Here's an excerpt from the rough draft of my soon to be Oscar winning script :

Hans : B-but why George? Why do you want to take away George the bunny? George the bunny is my very, very best friend next to you, George
George : Nein! Nein! Das ist jewish bunny!! Das ist verboooooten!
Hans : But George...

(in walks Gretchen, George's stern female superior officer dressed in her heeled leather boots, black stockings, black garters and a shiny black leather uniform. She slowly walks about the room while reckless swinging her riding crop. She is to be played by someone other than Claire Danes who would probably intermittently use a british accent)

Gretchen : Hey guys, whatcha doin'?
George : Vat are you doing here?
Gretchen : I was just stopping by to see if you've been a naughty boy... and maybe inspect some privates. (she suggestively runs her hand up George (not the bunny)'s chest and to his fashionably starched shirt collar) You know, it's my job to know if anyone here needs a spanking? (she is staring intently at George's lips and lightly touches them with her fingertip as George cringes) Anyone?
Hans : (raises his hand)
George : Errr... Vat is it you are zinking, Frau Gretchen?
Gretchen : Zinking? You bitch! I've been dieting all week and you think I look like a boat!

(Gretchen smacks George on the butt with her riding crop. George instinctively fights back - he holds his elbows next to his body and slaps his hands ineffectively. He looks like a very gay dog doing a very gay dogpaddle. She realizes he is still gay and storms out.)

Hans : (still staring at the door she exited) Gee George, that Gretchen must be the prettiest guy in the whole German army
George : (changes the subject by pointing menacingly at George the bunny) Das ist jewish hasenpfeffer!! (hasenpfeffer is german for rabbit stew)
Hans : No, George, no! Look George, look, George the bunny likes eating frankfurters! A jewish bunny wouldn't eat a sausage with pork in it, would he George!
George : (sighs) Ja. Ja, vell ve all like der viener...

puny

click to embiggen

Some Romans wars :
the Germanic War was against Germans
the Mithridatic War was against Mithridates
the Punic War must have been against the Punies