Sunday, October 30, 2011

Superman vs Spider-man

Joe Hildebrand on Superman vs Spider-man :
I count Superman and Superman II as the same movie. Spiderman just isn’t the same. I just can’t have an arachnid as a role model.

My response :
I can't let this stand without a response.
1) Spider-man is not an arachnid. You might try to claim that 2/3 of his name is "Spider" but that is just the letters. If you measure the number of words that make up the name spider-man you'll find that only half are "spider" but a full 50% are "man"
2) Superman is an alien! An arachnid is at least an earthly species. If Superman looked this alien would he be your idol?
3) Superman wears a cape. Some people might say the cape is faaaaaaabulous! but I say it shows Superman's narcissistic tendencies overwhelming his sense of practicality. He also wears a yellow belt that isn't a utility belt. Spider-man wears a skintight costume because he does gymnast like activities while avoiding villians. Superman is invulnerable and wears a skin tight costume because he's vain.
3a) Superman would need inexpensive Viagra and prescription-free oxycodone and a psychic to deal with the beautiful vacation lesbians that would help him quit smoking and get free money from the government for his laboratory glassware. (more keywords to get Joe more search hits)
4) Superman rhymes with pooperman
5) Spider-man can be called Spidey. Do you call your role model Superman Soupy?
6) You could plausibly get bitten by a radioactive spider, but your parents building an interstellar rocket, wrapping you up in swaddling and sending you and it to an inhabited and human inhabitable planet where you would have super powers? Not as likely.
7) While I don't intend this to cast aspirations on your character; a perv with X-ray vision could give an unknown number of people serious illness.
8) Do you want someone who can't realistically have sex as a role model? (See Man of Steel Woman of Kleenex by Larry Niven)

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

r u in love too ? Col. Joe has multiples

Anonymous said...

hi monkey man. Cant seem to post at tizona etc. I'd like highlight, david pemberty called kyle vile for calling a female news ltd journo fat... A lot are broadband heffers .. Few wear size eight pants.. I do. I train and deserve it. Mr pembo.... What would u do and it did happen if....... My news ltd media manager literally deficated on my carpet at home....... Then bullied me at work and made my life hell!..... I went to hr they did nothing... At news ltd. This hr literally told me off for having lunch.. I had a sixteen year old student with me.... Wrk experience. I will be uplaoding this. Im so stressed .. That pembo would stick up for fat and not shit for me.... This iis a news tld employee 1:

Anonymous said...

i will be posting this.. Issue.. I cant detest spot for deleting my posts ... Trruth.. I will b compiling what it was like inside news ltd and what i endured in a mini recorfing.... Pembo' hartigan.. lachlan.... I am a woman... How can your managers do this!! Joe hildebrand!!! Tell me!!!!!

Anonymous said...

kyle .. The radio guy.. did say fat journo but i worked with tumpy winger female journos... One told me not to talk to her bf... Bitch... Another, female journo wanted to remove oxygen tube from nose for a pic..... She complains.. I got told to get over poo news ltd manager for shitting on my carpet and ruining my life.. Bullying..... Fat is fat.. Shit really sticks.... I was violated by my kind hospitality to allow a drunk personto stay instaed of f driving home.. I got this? Another fam famous journo.. Joe said that is not nice.. Thats it.. I was mortified... U listened ty colonel......

Anonymous said...

i am female.... and trim.. Sydney women are fat... I agree with kyle ... I was once a tumpy size 12 now 6 and 4 country road shorts.. I feel fab.. fat women make excuses.. Smokers make excuses.. Its called addictions... If this journo is fat.. Use the news ltd gym in sydney...... Lady if you re a fat male journo@? FROM NEWS LTD use THE GYM IN YOUR BUILDING ....BROADBAND ARSES... AS FOR SHIT LIPS MANAGER...? YOU R A CREEP.. TBA MORE TO COME....

Anonymous said...

in vic, at mo.. Monkey man