Col. Milquetoast's Blog

on musicals

2011-11-26T01:32:00.008-06:00

Above is "Life's a Happy Song" from the Muppet movie with music & lyrics by Bret McKenzie (the beardo half of Flight of the Conchords aka NOT the sideburns dude from Flight of the Conchords) and it sounds like it. Bravo.

The problem I have with musicals is that not everything is sung. If everyone always sang then there would be a single point of suspension of belief : these people are crazy good at rhyming, improvisation and performing. Since everyone doesn't always sing then that implies it is still a difficult task requiring forethought and training.

Everything goes along like a normal day only occasionally, out of the blue someone will burst into song and then random people in the background will do a little back up singing and, of course, a bit of dancing. (not really out of the blue, it is usually at a significant event or preceding a significant event. Rarely, if ever, is there singing about eating breakfast or putting on socks)

Does this happen every day? Is that how everyone knows the words and have seemingly well practiced their synchronized dance moves? Are the back up singers/dancers paid or is there some social obligation that if someone starts singing then everyone else is expected to join in?

Are the songs made up impromptu or do they hire writers? Choreographers? Rehearse? Do they keep singing basically the same song everyday and eventually it gets better?

Sometimes, does one of the lonely background people decide to start singing and then does everyone else join in or is that reserved for certain people? Could someone jump up onto a table and start singing and dancing and then that would make everyone else believe they are part of the "star" social class?

What happens to those who can't sing or dance; are they shunned? Or when the dancing starts are they required to leave the room and hide or pretend to be a tree until the number is over?

Superman vs Spider-man

2011-10-30T20:11:00.002-05:00

Joe Hildebrand on Superman vs Spider-man :
I count Superman and Superman II as the same movie. Spiderman just isn’t the same. I just can’t have an arachnid as a role model.

My response :
I can't let this stand without a response.
1) Spider-man is not an arachnid. You might try to claim that 2/3 of his name is "Spider" but that is just the letters. If you measure the number of words that make up the name spider-man you'll find that only half are "spider" but a full 50% are "man"
2) Superman is an alien! An arachnid is at least an earthly species. If Superman looked this alien would he be your idol?
3) Superman wears a cape. Some people might say the cape is faaaaaaabulous! but I say it shows Superman's narcissistic tendencies overwhelming his sense of practicality. He also wears a yellow belt that isn't a utility belt. Spider-man wears a skintight costume because he does gymnast like activities while avoiding villians. Superman is invulnerable and wears a skin tight costume because he's vain.
3a) Superman would need inexpensive Viagra and prescription-free oxycodone and a psychic to deal with the beautiful vacation lesbians that would help him quit smoking and get free money from the government for his laboratory glassware. (more keywords to get Joe more search hits)
4) Superman rhymes with pooperman
5) Spider-man can be called Spidey. Do you call your role model Superman Soupy?
6) You could plausibly get bitten by a radioactive spider, but your parents building an interstellar rocket, wrapping you up in swaddling and sending you and it to an inhabited and human inhabitable planet where you would have super powers? Not as likely.
7) While I don't intend this to cast aspirations on your character; a perv with X-ray vision could give an unknown number of people serious illness.
8) Do you want someone who can't realistically have sex as a role model? (See Man of Steel Woman of Kleenex by Larry Niven)

Future Oscar Winner

2011-09-22T20:04:00.003-05:00

Joe Hildebrand on how to win an oscar :
"Of course if you’re a member of the Academy and spend your life at sushi dinners talking about how challenging French cinema is you can’t actually take into account whether a film is good or not. You just have to make sure it either contains a Nazi, a homo or a retard."

My response :
You are right that what would be golden would be the story of a gay retarded nazi. Here's an excerpt from the rough draft of my soon to be Oscar winning script :

Hans : B-but why George? Why do you want to take away George the bunny? George the bunny is my very, very best friend next to you, George
George : Nein! Nein! Das ist jewish bunny!! Das ist verboooooten!
Hans : But George...

(in walks Gretchen, George's stern female superior officer dressed in her heeled leather boots, black stockings, black garters and a shiny black leather uniform. She slowly walks about the room while reckless swinging her riding crop. She is to be played by someone other than Claire Danes who would probably intermittently use a british accent)

Gretchen : Hey guys, whatcha doin'?
George : Vat are you doing here?
Gretchen : I was just stopping by to see if you've been a naughty boy... and maybe inspect some privates. (she suggestively runs her hand up George (not the bunny)'s chest and to his fashionably starched shirt collar) You know it's my job to know if anyone here needs a spanking? (she is staring intently at George's lips and lightly touches them with her fingertip as George cringes) Anyone?
Hans : (raises his hand)
George : Errr... Vat is it you are zinking, Frau Gretchen?
Gretchen : Zinking? You bitch! I've been dieting all week and you think I look like a boat!

(Gretchen smacks George on the butt with her riding crop. George instinctively fights back - he holds his elbows next to his body and slaps his hands ineffectively. He looks like a very gay dog doing a very gay dogpaddle. She realizes he is still gay and storms out.)

Hans : (still staring at the door she exited) Gee George, that Gretchen must be the prettiest guy in the whole German army
George : (changes the subject by pointing menacingly at George the bunny) Das ist jewish hasenpfeffer!! (hasenpfeffer is german for rabbit stew)
Hans : No, George, no! Look George, look, George the bunny likes eating frankfurters! A jewish bunny wouldn't eat a sausage with pork in it, would he George!
George : (sighs) Ja. Ja, vell ve all like der viener...

puny

2011-08-06T12:19:00.003-05:00

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Some Romans wars :
the Germanic War was against Germans
the Mithridatic War was against Mithridates
the Punic War must have been against the Punies

Simplification

2011-07-14T21:43:00.005-05:00

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wiki describes a herma as "a sculpture with a head, and perhaps a torso, above a plain, usually squared lower section, on which male genitals may also be carved at the appropriate height... and were placed at crossings, country borders and boundaries as protection (against evil)" (note to self: evil is afraid of penises)

The article doesn't really answer why a herma consists of a rectangular block with such a limited set of sculptural elements.

Possible reasons :

Importance. Sculptors sought to simplify man to only the most important elements.
A solid rectangular block would be more resilient than a full figure but then the point of adding fragile genitals (see the broken bits in the photo above) brings that theory into question.
Identification. If someone doesn't recognize the face maybe they'd recognize another part.
Vandals. Who has never seen a dumpster or wall that a vandal has drawn a penis on to it? I imagine industrious sculpting vandals with chisel in hand sneaking out to the herma in the dark of night and chipping away until they've added a phallus.
the rectangular block below the head could serve a sign space – like a modern sandwich board.
many phalluses have, over the years, been broken. Perhaps they pointed a direction
for those hermas erected erect, they could serve as a way to protect Greek towns from roving bands of nymphos (this assumes there were actually roving bands of nymphos who could be distracted by the herma just outside of town)

The Pie of Slavery

2011-07-03T14:18:00.010-05:00

from the Colossus story in Marvel Comics Presents #10 (Jan 1989).

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Colossus says "You in this country have free press. You can say whatever you please!"

Sounds good so far!

Colossus : "Your constitution gives you that treasured freedom. So must you slap your government in the face with pornography? Why abuse your freedom?"

As a kid I laughed when I read that. It seemed silly to suggest that free speech should be limited (besides by the illegal) by anything that is an affront to the government (and however that might be defined). I find that view of free speech more distressing now that I'm older.

At least lèse majesté is narrowly limited to offense aimed at a monarch. It is interesting that it shouldn't be respect and politeness to one's neighbors and fellow citizens that might provoke a want for discretion but an insult to a faceless institution.

and a few pages later...

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and Colossus thinks to himself "But... are the two countries that different?"

Colossus is a university sophomore?

Colossus : "Russia's media is suppressive, but America's is exploitative!"

So, censorship and a not enough censorship are practically the same thing? I imagine the writer, Ann Nocenti, still cackles with laughter at the thought that she is still exploiting me after all these years.

Colossus : "Americans on a picnic, eating American pie. They look so happy."

Colossus : "Are they? Are they really free?"

Perhaps not. I blame it on their grabbing the wrong pie and bringing a telepathic mutant pie of slavery to the picnic by mistake. It seems like a better explanation than blaming distant, two dimensional boobies and a lack of crushing censorship.

Altogether, the story isn't without a certain charm and I think the artwork by Rick Leonardi & P. Craig Russell is exceptional. There is a lovely economy of line.

The meat of the story is based on the abuse of government power, hardly who I would want to entrust censorship based on the degree of affrontedness the government might "feel."

An early vision of ancient man

2011-06-27T16:53:00.004-05:00

And it looks like that ancient man is Homo Erectus.

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Study of an Antique Relief by Johan Tobias Sergel c.1769

Although it is identified as being part of the Pergamon Altar (circa 200 B.C.) I haven't seen this section in photos from the Pergamon Museum.

He's hung like a basket

2011-05-08T06:34:00.004-05:00

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SpongeBob SquarePants is.

Soviet Propaganda

2011-04-01T11:48:00.003-05:00

A Soviet Union propaganda poster from 1954 : Say NO to vodka!

I that's not just an anti-american attitude but anti-russian too.
That didn't work very well. And it is no surprise. Note the complete lack of explanation – only a command : Nyet!

cartoonily accurate

2011-03-27T04:19:00.005-05:00

still from the MGM Tex Avery cartoon One Cab's Family

it isn't cartoony exaggeration. It is an observation.

Photograph by Jacques Henri Lartigue of a car in motion. The camera shutter moved from bottom to top so as the shutter moved the car moved forward and a different part of the car was exposed.

A Nazi Corn Palace?

2011-03-12T19:02:00.005-06:00

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The Corn Palace of Mitchell, South Dakota in 1905 with a swastika on the front. A Nazi Corn Palace? It does have a swastika on the front but the photo is from 1905. So it is a non-nazi swastika.

The Corn Palace is a building decorated with ears of corn all over the exterior. "WTF" you say? I was there once as a kid and that was my thoughts exactly.

Bodhidharma

2011-02-20T07:45:00.000-06:00

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A Japanese figure of Bodhidharma (aka Daruma), a Buddhist mystic, apparently called the The Blue-Eyed Barbarian. He meditated for 9 years and it was said that afterwards the only thing left of him was his head which his disciples would carry around.

Four Spaniards

2011-02-18T07:47:00.001-06:00

First : Diego Velazquez's Las Meninas (1656). The original.

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Second : Francisco Goya's etching Las Meninas (c. 1778) after Velazquez. Note it is the only one here that kept the original's proportions.

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Third : Salvador Dali's Infanta Margarita from Velazquez's Las Meninas (1981, titled "The Pearl".

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Fourth : Pablo Picasso's Las Meninas (1957, Picasso did dozens of paintings after Velazquez's Las Meninas)

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shaft

2011-02-18T07:45:00.000-06:00

Shaft : a word that could be used as a sexual euphemism for either men or women.

Stylistic plagarist

2011-02-09T22:52:00.004-06:00

A previous stylistic plagarist has been noted.

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Cattle Going to Work - Impression of Morning by Constant Troyon (1855)

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Haystack Morning Snow Effect by Claude Monet (1891)

Around 1859, at 19, Claude Monet, with a letter of introduction from the painter Eugène Boudin, met Troyon and supposedly asked to be his student but the self-taught Troyon declined.

Of course, calling it plagiarism is a stretch. One difference is the size. Troyon's painting is huge. 102.25 x157.5 inches. Monet also did large paintings but I think his larger paintings are the water lilies and his more conventional landscapes are of a more conventional size. I could be wrong. The other difference is that Troyon was never as impressionistic as Monet but my first reaction to Cattle Going to Work reproduced in a book was "Ah, a Monet?"

stylistic plagiarism

2011-02-05T23:31:00.005-06:00

Sumerian head from c.2500 B.C. vs Random anime head from about 4500 years later

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I'm working on a theme.

bad at math?

2010-12-18T14:15:00.006-06:00

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Robert Mugabe, President of Zimbabwe and chief economy imploder, has a scheme to encourage economic empowerment. It could be education, skills training, equipment, computers, business skills, managerial skills, import/export knowledge, etc but none of that wasn't mentioned. Instead :

Under Zimbabwe's empowerment laws, black Zimbabweans should acquire 51% of foreign businesses.

"We can read the riot act and say this is 51% we are taking and if the sanctions persist we are taking over 100%," Mr Mugabe said

We all know math doesn't seem to be Mr. Mugabe's strong suit so I can't help but wonder if he means : "we are taking over : 100%," or if he means "we are taking : over 100%."

I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to seize 130%...

Dancer

2010-12-14T13:33:00.007-06:00

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"Dancer Looking at the Sole of Her Foot" sculpture by Edgar Degas.

It doesn't really need any commentary.

Trojan

2010-12-09T08:56:00.001-06:00

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Trojan Horse by Giuseppe Arcimboldo. He didn't just paint still lifes of fruits and vegetables.

Feliks Topolski

2010-11-29T14:20:00.008-06:00

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The newly crowned Queen from the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth by Feliks Topolski (2nd part, 5th panel). This is the image I had been looking for to illustrate this post.

Topolski's mural at Buckingham Palace is in 2 parts. The first shows the street procession. The second part, on the wall facing the first part, is the ceremony at Westminster Abbey divided into 6 sections placed between windows. The height of the mural is given as 4 feet. I don't know if the mural was hung high or at eye level.

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second part

second panel

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a closer detail of the second panel of the second part. To the right, I think unmistakably, is Winston Churchill amongst what the caption says are some of the Commonwealth's prime ministers.

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detail of the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth by Feliks Topolski (2nd part, 4th panel).

Pics scanned from an old Horizon Magazine (November 1960). The writer assures the reader that the "elegance, wit, désinvolture, and almost reckless impressionism of Topolski's style has produced something far more dashing than the usual stodgy commemorative painting." So true.

Especially the désinvolture. Topolski probably carried a backpack full of désinvolture where ever he went. Hopefully, a waterproof backpack so none of it would leak out. Of course, some people might object to his désinvolture. I imagine some are even outraged he would take his désinvolture out in public. Perhaps I too would object if I had to sit on a bus next to Topolski and his désinvolture on a hot day. (The writer surely wouldn't use a French word simply to be pretentious when a word in English would suffice, so I'm assuming "désinvolture" is french for "disemboweled vulture".)

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first part

Note the almost complete lack of architecture or scenery — it is limited to the important things : the people.

It is fun and exuberant stuff. At least I think so. A few years ago I saw a Topolski book "Fourteen Letters" on sale at the book store. I bought 2 extra copies and proceeded to present it to people I thought would appreciate his work. The people I had in mind refused it. Eventually I found other people I thought would like it and each time it's been refused. Apparently, I am a terrible evangelist.

I'll have to put this book on my list. But just one copy.

This article says Topolski was commissioned because the Duke of Edinburgh knew Topolski socially — not necessarily because of the art.

This bit is amusing (from the article above) :

He did not comment on Topolski’s excellent likeness of Queen Mary, nor on the less easily identifiable one of his uncle Lord Mountbatten, but paused before that of Jomo Kenyatta and recalled the day he and the Queen presented Kenya with its independence. “It took place in a football stadium,” he said. “The Kenyan flag went up, and there was a hiatus. There was silence for about two minutes. And I said to him, ‘Are you sure you want to go through with this?’ — which failed to be seen as a joke by some of the Kenyan listeners.”

LOL

ouch

2010-11-28T16:09:00.004-06:00

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engraving by Theodore De Bry after a painting by Jacques le Moyne (who accompanied a French expedition to Florida in 1564) showing how the Timucua treated the enemy dead. Ouch.

Note the time lapse quality of the figure(s) running in the background.

The Facebook Queen

2010-11-10T00:30:00.006-06:00

Above is part of The Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II by Feliks Topolski. c. 1960. I have yet to find someone who likes his work as much as I do. The Duke of Edinburgh commissioned it so he might.

I hear that the Queen of England is on Facebook. I assume she gets on facebook, looks up people from school and messages them asking :

"Remember me from algebra class? I was the girl who wore a crown everyday..."

or

"I was the girl who hit you with a scepter when you were flirting with the boy I had a crush on. I think it was a ruby that came off and had fastened itself to your forehead."

(I can't find the magazine to scan the image I wanted so this one will have to do.)

It is so big...

2010-10-29T17:12:00.001-05:00

It seems like all nature shows that deal with any sort of geography at some point say "blah blah blah it is so big that it can be seen from space." Of course it can be seen from space. Basically everything can be seen from space unless it is underground.

Russian Rocket Powered Horse

2010-08-27T13:01:00.005-05:00

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The rocket powered horse was developed by Paco Industries for the Russian Imperial Army circa 1904. The exhaust force from the vertical nozzle pushed the rear of the cart down and raised the horse off the ground to prevent injury at high speeds. Steering was accomplished through a handle next to the driver controlling a differential mechanism affecting the comparative speed of the wheels. Pulling back turned left and pushing the lever forward turned right. The rear exhaust nozzle's thrust enabled unprecedented speeds which any army could appreciate.

The main problem with the Rocket Horse was inattentive conscripts being told to pour the volatile rocket fuel into the opening at the rear. This lack of clarity did not lead to good results for either the horse nor the conscript. Other minor problems included its tendency to flip, its poor steering capabilities, its lack of passenger or driver restraints and its occasionally becoming unintentional airborne.

or

A Russian Soup Wagon
The Czar takes good care of his soldiers. A notable feature of the equipment of the Russians in the traveling field kitchen, consisting of a boiler mounted in a special wagon, so arranged that it keeps the army soup hot while being served.

Robert Crumb's biological father?

2010-08-16T13:49:00.002-05:00

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Coney Island by Paul Cadmus painted in 1934

Robert Crumb

Dr. Seuss and a pussy cat

2010-08-11T02:30:00.006-05:00

Above is "The Rather Odd Myopic Woman Riding Piggyback on One of Helen's Many Cats" painted by Theodor Geisel aka Dr. Seuss.

The Cat in the Hat could have been so different.

Peek a boo

2010-08-07T19:50:00.004-05:00

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A Nymph and a Satyr attributed to Pierre-Charles Trémolières (1703-1739).

Note the difference between a Nymph and a nympho : a nympho would stay awake for the debauchery.

Unlike this painting by François Boucher, this just seems pervy. And not pervy in the good, just doing my part to continue the survival of the species way but the creepy kind of pervy. The voyeuristic eagle on the left doesn't help.

I imagine clothes that cling to you with no visible means of support like the satyr's outfit wouldn't be that comfortable.

Repo Men

2010-03-13T12:56:00.004-06:00

The upcoming Repo Men movie is a science fiction story about how artificial organs can be bought on credit and if the payments aren't met then the organ gets repossessed.

My prediction : at some point in the movie they kill someone, stand over the corpse preparing to remove the organ, and say "Sorry, it only has a lifetime guarantee."

Don't touch my muffin

2010-02-07T20:56:00.003-06:00

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Although some of his arms have broken off, Dancing Ganesh (c.10-11th century) can still flash gang signs, hold an axe, wear an uncommon amount of jewelry (for a guy with an axe), and nibble on a giant cupcake/muffin. Surrounding Ganesh is several half-sized people.

Ganesh's forward facing eyes looks a little odd but better stereoscopic vision would be advantageous for someone with a bunch of arms and an articulated trunk.

And um... that's, uh, that's probably the end of his belt hanging down between his legs. Yeah, that's it. A belt.

because even babies like choice

2009-11-05T02:56:00.007-06:00

Enfamil baby food has "Two nipple options" to make it as similar to the real thing as possible. Because even babies like choice.

Mohawk

2009-11-02T19:35:00.003-06:00

Utopia, is that you?

2009-10-13T05:06:00.003-05:00

Why Does the Australian Government Want To Filter The Internet?

2009-10-08T19:31:00.004-05:00

Peter Paul Rubens

2009-04-12T18:30:00.004-05:00

The Way To Calvary by Peter Paul Rubens painted about 1636.

the post in which I indirectly confess to being a dork

2009-04-07T19:21:00.003-05:00

I've been buying these little superhero figures for my nephews and they, as kids, keep a mental list of which characters have been made and which characters they'd like to be made.

Interestingly, considerably less supervillains have been made than superheroes (I suppose, so as to not encourage the little ones into becoming world conquering supervillains). My nephews mentioned that there was no Modok figure in the series so I told them I could probably make one.

below is Modok as he first appeared in the comic books.

Gigantic head, a fashionable headband, sits in a comfy flying chair with his hand on his joystick, has a plan for world domination : what's not to like...

The story behind his big head is that he was working for a group of evil scientists who used him as a guinea pig in an attempt to create a "Mental Organism Designed Only for Computing" which mutated him into a guy with a ginormous head and an atrophied body who proceeded to take over the scientists organization. He also christened himself "Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing" (M.O.D.O.K.) If only he'd been a more well-adjusted person he might have called himself M.O.D.O.D. - Mental Organism Designed Only for Dancing or maybe chosen a less career limiting name that would acknowledge his ability to multitask.

Modok, in a way, was a sympathetic character. Between his stark lack of a sense of humor and his gigantic head Modok probably had a hard time getting a date. And he isn't what you'd call traditionally handsome.

Some draw him as a guy with an enormous head with his arms carelessly added sticking out from the side of his head. That bothers me.

sketch of how distorted Modok's skeletal structure would have to be.

I wasn't completely faithful to the design. I'm afraid I didn't distort it enough.

It is only about 3.5 inches tall so it could fit in with the other figures, but I imagine a larger sculpture would be easier.

While not that great it I'd say it isn't bad considering I don't know what I'm doing. My only other experience in sculpture was mediocre relief in wax a decade ago. I've learned a lot about what not to do.

It still needs work.

Still Stripping After 25 Years

2009-03-15T15:17:00.005-05:00

I admit I was a little concerned when I saw that my mom owns a book called "Still Stripping After 25 Years." My first thought was that a stripper who has been doing it for 25 years, although experienced, might be past her prime stripping years. Then I noted it was written by Eleanor Burns and I thought "Eleanor" is not a very sexy stripper name.

Apparently, stripping another meaning I'm not aware of.

Shall We Dance

2009-03-11T11:52:00.009-05:00

from the movie Shall We Dance (1937) (which btw also has the "You say tomato, I say Tomahto" song and "They Can't Take That Away From Me").

Fred Astaire decides if he can't dance with Ginger Roger's character then he'll dance with her image. He does his dance number with 20 girls who each have a realistic mask of Ginger's face. And boy, was that creepy.

editorial decisions

2009-03-10T21:02:00.003-05:00

A few years ago I bought an old medical dictionary (The American Illustrated Medical Dictionary, 20th edition, printed in 1946). I soon discovered that it wasn't very helpful because terminology has changed so much. Looking things up on the internet was usually both easier and better. Occasionally I'd use it to look something up if I didn't have the internet available or I'd flip it open & read a few entries when I was bored.

It has 1668 pages and boasts 885 illustrations. Of the 885 illustrations some are portraits of notable people (which is a pretty much a waste of space in a dictionary, I'd say). A random page has 44 entries on it. Assuming that is typical then there are about 73,000 entries in the book. The title page notes that 240 illustrations are portraits leaving 645 useful diagrams. That is 1 useful illustration for every 113 entries. One would imagine that scarcity would drive the editors to come up with criteria that would insure only the most significant entries and the entries that could best be explained with an illustration would get an illustration. On the other hand, someone might insist that 4 different types of hymens absolutely must be illustrated. Oh, and that the entry on elephantitis should definitely include an illustration of elephantitis of the scrotum.

A Public Service Announcement

2009-03-06T23:40:00.005-06:00

A difference between men and women - a public service announcement

Women tend to look at themselves or other women, very carefully and examine each and every conceivable area. Then they score each area and think, for example, "okay, these shoes are 88% sexy, 14% slutty (in the good way), 18% slutty (in the bad way), 22% cute, 94% nice, 40% voluptuous, 21% fat, 9% unfashionable, 6% retro, 52% cool, an 60% sure another girl will like them/be jealous of them/hate her for having them" She then moves on to the next item/physical feature and scores it (again, using a potentially infinite number of variables). Then she averages all of the scores for all of the features together, weights the average based upon an unknown formula (it is known to be partially based upon her current mood and whether she likes the woman being examined or not) and then comes to a conclusion.

Men look at women differently. If a woman asks a guy to tell her if she looks good in an outfit he :
step 1) looks at her and more likely than not gets completely distracted by one single feature (ie a boob, luscious lips, legs, if she is smiling etc)
step 2) asks himself "Does (that feature he was distracted by) look good?" This is generally a simple yes or no question.
step 3) Either blurt out the answer or take a moment to make the answer more than a one word sentence and if the answer is "no" then he has to guess if she really wants his opinion or not and the consequences of the wrong answer.

(ie a woman asks "do you like my shoes?" guy looks at shoes, notes that they are on her feet, notes the color (in case she asks), looks at her legs, follows her leg upward, looks at her hips, checks for cleavage, decides he likes the way she stands with her hands on her hips and he thinks about her boobs and thinks they look good and answers "yes, those shoes look good.")

Of course, occasionally guys get stuck on the wrong part and declare that an otherwise gorgeous woman looks practically like Ernest Borgnine and they say things like "Salma Hayek has a weird chin. Blechh!"

Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T17:19:00.006-06:00

Hercules and Omphale (getting frisky) by François Boucher circa 1724. How frisky? Two cupid frisky.

Here is a statue of Omphale dressed in a lion skin holding a club at her side and it is not Omphale sitting while standing erect and happy to see you.

I also learned from wiki that "Hercule et Omphale" is a short pornographic poem by Guillaume Apollinaire from a book called "Les onze mille verges" (The eleven thousand penises). That is one hell of a book title (assuming it isn't a sequel) but the poem doesn't impress me.

Art as a creative endeavor

2009-01-29T01:31:00.004-06:00

Ulysses and Penelope by Francesco Primaticco

Venus and Cupid by Niccolo dell' Abbate

Or maybe not that creative.

I suspect that "Ulysses and Penelope" is the original and "Venus and Cupid" is the facsimile for the following reasons :

Ulysses touching Penelope's face looks romantic but Cupid's hand looks like he is waiting for her to spit out a quarter.
Cupid has a mullet.
Unlike Penelope who appears to be fidgeting with her hands, Venus appears to be making a rude gesture with an erect thumb on one hand between two open fingers on the other.

Happy Nude Year

2009-01-04T20:12:00.004-06:00

Part of Jacque Louis David's study for the painting "Serment du Jeu de Paume" (Oath at the Tennis Court) which had been initially intended to be an enormous life sized testament to the idea of the republic. I hadn't realized the French Revolution had so much to do with the Rights of Man to go without pants.

The final painting was hung at the Versailles tennis court where the oath took place. That's kind of like someone having their portrait painted and then hanging it around their neck (not that there is anything wrong with that).

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T20:23:00.002-06:00

click to enlarge

Star Wars butt

2008-12-24T19:47:00.005-06:00

One of my nephew's Legos caught my eye.

She also has painted on cleavage. Neither the thong nor the cleavage causes any rancor from me.

ElectricLightLand

2008-10-04T16:07:00.006-05:00

(Seen at TB but posting at TB's seems broken at the moment, so...)

The great thing about a propane/butane or other torch is that it actually produces visible light. climatetorch.com didn't even remember to list that as a feature. Visible light can be useful. I'm not terribly impressed with their torch. (note the poor kid has had a 50% reduction in her carbon shoe print)

Does it even have a means to produce light on it? It may be a stick not a torch.

Next Earth Hour it may be time for GE to rerun this ad from 1939

click to enlarge

Sad tractor

2008-09-25T08:18:00.004-05:00

click to enlarge

This Ford tractor is sad after having flipped over.

pinup from 1752

2008-09-19T03:02:00.004-05:00

this painting by François Boucher may other redeeming qualities but mostly I just notice that it looks like a pinup.

Don't be stupid

2008-09-03T13:42:00.004-05:00

Once I rented a 26 foot moving truck. Before he would give me the keys the guy went through the paper work and spent a few minutes telling me to use the mirrors and to signal when changing lanes, to be aware of the truck's length, to brake early enough to allow for the truck to stop, etc. All really obvious stuff. I nodded politely and said "so, basically, you are saying don't be stupid."

If you think these products really need a warning label then I'd make it something simple like "Attention : Don't be stupid."

"Pleases the whole family... A new thrilling recreation as you beautify your lawn." I would want one even more if it were powered by an actual rocket.

5 pounds of cyanide for only 3 bucks. Cheaper and probably easier than using your Rocket Mower to take out a squirrel. But why not use something a bit more personal like the Aeroil burner :

With a 2000º F, 30 inch flame you can use it to destroy weeds. The ad specifically recommends it to kill weeds, seeds and roots, disinfect poultry and livestock quarters and claims 99 uses.

Note that the farmer is wearing both a hat and tie as he uses his mini flame thrower.

Also note that it was sold out of New Jersey, a place that now bans fireworks (even sparklers) and requires a BB gun to be regulated as a firearm (despite a BB gun's complete lack of fire)

Things illegal

2008-08-18T23:41:00.004-05:00

A man caught carrying a large gobstopper in a sock has been fined £400 after it was found to be an offensive weapon.

link here

His ~~defense~~ defence argued that the sweet was "a substantial piece of confectionary" which could be eaten but he also said that he needed it for protection after he was attacked. Note that he was not accused of using it to hurt anyone or threaten anyone with it.

"Hard, suckable things illegal in Scotland" would have been a better headline.

or

"Edinburgh police say : Large object in man's pants could choke someone"

A cowboy's dream

2008-07-09T19:14:00.010-05:00

scanned from an old Am Heritage.

A 20 shot revolver. I found Henry Josselyn's patent online issued Jan 1866.

Surprisingly, the patent doesn't mention that, once you ran out of ammo, you could swing it at someone like a chain.

There might be some issues fitting it in a holster.

It turns out not to be the only high capacity revolver. See here and here.

Fourth of July

2008-07-04T17:16:00.004-05:00

I've always been a fan of the phrase "We the People..." so here are some people.

Hot or Not?

2008-06-30T05:04:00.009-05:00

Mrs Ahmadinejad (the one on the right dressed in the black tent) :

image source
Hot or not?

The Ahmadinejads in Malaysia where Mrs Ahmadinejad cuts loose and shows some skin like a brazen hussy in an attempt to drive men wild (She feels she must. She worries Mahmoud might stray and take a fancy for someone else. He said there were no gays in Iran; he didn't say there were no gays in Mahmoud.)

image source

Mrs. Ahmadinejad: Hot or not? (note that "hot" refers to attractiveness and not that she might be uncomfortably warm)

May be ineffective read

2008-06-29T18:15:00.002-05:00

A Canna Lily is a flowering plant. You can buy a canna bulb, plant it and grow your own but be aware that a "Canna bulb" is not a plant that eats other plants.

(If it doesn't seem funny try saying it out loud. If it still doesn't seem funny then it may not be funny.)

Winged monkey

2008-06-23T06:44:00.003-05:00

link

Double Minty exercise

2008-06-19T21:07:00.003-05:00

A graceful cheek line...depends very much on chewing
The new, taller hairdress accentuates the infatuating contour of a woman's face. No matter which way she turns her head, the rounding and lovely curve of her cheek line dominates the picture. Keep this line from looking old and saggy; chew Double Mint gum. This gentle exercise 5 to 10 minutes daily aids in toning up unused and lazy facial muscles. Try this new Beauty Treatment.

from the Things that won't end well dept.

2008-06-18T09:36:00.004-05:00

"We shed a lot of blood for this country. We are not going to give up our country for a mere X on a ballot. How can a ball point pen fight with a gun?" the Herald, a government mouthpiece, quoted Mugabe as saying.link

If Zimbabwe had the Second Amendment then he would probably show more respect for people's votes. (note that I wrote "show more respect" not "have more respect")

word

2008-06-16T20:12:00.004-05:00

Recently, I turned on the TV, switched to the old movie channel and a moment later the word "SLUT" appeared on the screen. I was shocked and, of course, hurt and confused. The TV and I had always had a good relationship, at least I thought so. To call me a slut was uncalled for and, I would argue, not a very accurate. I pondered getting written statements from witnesses to testify to my mostly good character.

But then it turned out to have been the last bit of a Danish movie and "slut" is the danish word for "end." TV and I are back on speaking terms.

And now I can argue with someone, make my case and signify the end of my statement by saying "Slut!" Or criticize their lack of knowledge and signify the end of my statement by saying "Ignorant! Slut!"

photo

2008-06-16T19:42:00.004-05:00

admittedly it isn't 1.618 quality...

identity not yet verified...

2008-06-14T14:34:00.006-05:00

Identity not yet verified... but it appears to be young detective Paco with unnamed dame.

Sticks and stones

2008-06-13T02:02:00.004-05:00

sigh

The Canadian Human Rights Commission’s plans for their future headquarters.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will have their viciousness adjudicated at a latter date." just doesn't have the same ring to it.

The Chief ~~Commissar~~Commissioner of the CHRC says "Freedom of expression is the life blood of democracy"...and so we need to limit freedom of expression just like how we sometimes have too much blood and need medieval leech treatment or how we need to cut ourselves repeatedly like we were an emo kid wearing eye make up and a corn chip hair cut. And of course an unelected bureaucrat should decide when you've been bled enough.

Three concise reasons freedom of speech is important :
1) freedom of speech for the sake of freedom of speech
2) restricting speech does not change what people think
3) restricting speech inhibits discussion and limits the opportunities for people to have bad ideas discredited

Tornado news

2008-06-12T17:33:00.006-05:00

Tornado hits Manhattan, Kansas. Among the wind/tornado damage at K State University : "...the Wind Erosion Lab was destroyed."

Also hit was Chapman, Kansas a small town I've been to many times. It is a friendly little place.

At first the news was depressing but then I realized that even after the tornado, Zimbabwe is still a bigger disaster.

Natural Selection says "...missed it by that much!"

2008-06-11T13:15:00.006-05:00

Photo by Mike Brown / The Commercial Appeal

Ashley Byrne, a Washington, D.C.-based campaign coordinator with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), talks with Memphis police officers during a recent demonstration outside City Hall that coincided with World Vegetarian Week. When officers inquired about the well-being of intern Shawn Herbold (bottom) and volunteer Thomas Olsen, a sweat-soaked Herbold replied that she was in pain and feeling nauseated from the heat after being wrapped in cellophane for 30 minutes, and also asked how much longer she needed to stay there. Byrne let her know it wouldn't be much longer and left her under the hot afternoon sun for 30 minutes more while debating with the officers. PETA would never treat a cow that way, but I guess it's OK for an intern. Many organizations that focus on extremes could take note that leading through example makes more impact than demonstrating with hypocrisy. "1,000 Words" is a weekly pictorial commentary on events in Greater Memphis and around the world. Today's "1,000 Words" was written by Mike Brown, a photographer for The Commercial Appeal.

risking another human being in the tiny offhand chance of convincing someone to go vegetarian and thereby saving a cow is one kind of stupid but risking your own life because some irresponsible peta tool told you to is another kind of stupid.

Besides any fool knows not to leave meat sitting out in the sun. But peta isn't any fool.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

2008-06-06T19:20:00.001-05:00

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (or as his friends call him Mahmmy) trying to find god.

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad explaining that if he discovered his nose was gay then -bang!- he would shoot it.

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on day 4 of the 7 day self-help course "Learning to Point"

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spends the day with a finger up his nose because the Supreme Ayatollah Khamenei told him to.

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says "Uh... derrr..."

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad explaining that the dangling booger was due to a devilish plot perpetrated by the Great Satan and the Zionist entity. He then forces the dangling booger to cease its counter-revolutionary activities.

Carbon Rich

2008-06-04T20:00:00.005-05:00

After careful, time consuming and stressful cultivation my ~~scheme~~ completely benevolent plan to become rich from dealing in carbon credits has begun. I can now say that I have planted thousands of trees. A small forest.

Some of my freshly planted trees face more hardship than others but I'm still counting them as trees planted.

Update :
Just cleaned out the gutters (again) of more than enough potential trees to fill a 5 gallon bucket. More Carbon Riches.

But these seemed different. They seemed noble, self-sacrificing and a little patronizing and then I realized that these must be good and kind-hearted socialist maples. These I decided to sow in a pile where each tiny tree can work cooperatively, submerge themselves to the greater good, and each will be sure to use only its fair share of resources.

Tops!

2008-05-27T16:08:00.006-05:00

A Harley-Davidson motorcycle magazine ad from 1947. Apparently, in 1947 Harley's target demographic was creepy looking guys with dimples who lure unsuspecting young females onto his cycle to take a leisurely ride somewhere isolated where voices may carry but no one is around to hear.

Meanwhile, the young lady waves as if she is the Queen of England.

Action In The North Atlantic

2008-05-26T20:07:00.003-05:00

"Action In The North Atlantic" is a war movie made in 1943. I have yet to see the whole movie in a single sitting but It could be considered a war propaganda move except that it is a pretty good movie. Humphrey Bogart commands a Liberty Ship on his way to the Soviet Union during WW2.

items of interest :

•The germans in the U-boat spoke german! Not even subtitled! At first I thought it was done to dehumanize the germans, make them less easy to relate to, but then the Russians didn't speak english either (except for "Liberty Ship" which somehow they picked up)

•Bogie punches out a guy in a bar who was gossiping about ship movements. In some movies he would have been a Nazi paid informant sent by Hitler himself and the essence of evil. In this, he was just a drunk talking about what he saw. I suppose in the modern version George Clooney would whine about a conspiracy against free speech.

•It ends with Bogie lighting his own merchant ship on fire (Really! to lure the U-Boat to the surface) and then he rams his ship into the U-Boat. Once they get to the USSR everyone is happy but Bogie. He's thinking about "the trip back."

•The Nazi submariners die a horrible death and there is not even half a moment of grief about it.

The Russian pilot sees the Liberty ship and pumps his arm while giving the peace sign. Almost.

semper ubi sub ubi

2008-05-17T20:48:00.003-05:00

link Peter Beaumont broke open an egg and was shocked to find a dead gecko inside. “I was cracking the eggs into a pan when I noticed one of them was all cloudy. I looked at the shell and saw a tiny gecko,” he said....
“Certainly the gecko wouldn’t have been ingested by the bird. It would be physically impossible for it to make its way from the digestive tract into the area where the egg’s formed,” said the corporation’s research and development manager, David Witcombe.

“So it’s a case of the gecko actually making its way through the cloaca of the bird and onto the developing egg.”

Mrs Gecko : Where have you been?
Mr. Gecko: Out.
Mrs. Gecko: Well?!?
Mr. Gecko: Well what?
Mrs. Gecko: Well, did you get me anything?
Mr. Gecko: (sheepish) I tried...
Mrs. Gecko: My mother warned me that you were a layabout! Do you think I want to start a family with someone who can't provide for me?
Mr. Gecko: I tried to get you some chicken! I killed a chicken but it was too big to drag back.
Mrs. Gecko: (rolls eyes) mmmm hmmm...
Mr. Gecko: I did! Then i tried climbing up a chicken's cloaca to get you a farm fresh egg... It was horrible, just horrible, I could barely breathe! I thought I was going to die!
Mrs. Gecko: Need I remind you that a female Gecko can reproduce without needing any participation from a male? (impatiently tapping her foot, arms crossed and lips, if geckos have lips, pursed)
Mr. Gecko: Baby, how about I get us some KFC with gravy & some biscuits and after you calm down I'll get in touch with you about that cloaca plan.
Mrs. Gecko: You get me a chicken today or you're never touching me again!

politician training

2008-05-14T22:46:00.006-05:00

link

...Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father's existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing "Halo" on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel.
...
Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

The $1,000 a night girls sensing something up played "Halo" on the Xbox with the kids, instead of selling their sexual services.

Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician.

He does sound like a politician :
he games the "I'm disabled" PC system
spent someone else's money
took money from one to bribe someone else to like him
spent it on something he didn't need
spent far too much for what he got
spent it on something without understanding what it was for (if he knew what to do with them he would have had a much different answer when asked why he ordered two)
the money was spent with very little to show for it

Trouser Mouse

2008-05-04T19:16:00.004-05:00

click to enlarge

The Trouser Mouse in Blue Springs, Missouri.
Ocean City, Maryland is the home of the Bearded Clam. They should partner and do vigorous and interesting activities together.

Arrrrr kay, so you'll give my pegleg back and I'm free to go?

2008-04-21T02:43:00.005-05:00

the good news : “French commandos went in with guns blazing and captured a gang of pirates who days earlier had hijacked a luxury cruise ship”

the bad news : “the British Foreign Office issued a directive to the once vaunted Royal Navy not to detain any pirates, because doing so could violate their human rights. ...captured pirates could claim asylum in Britain”
link

I'm tempted to pen a letter to No. 10 Downing Street and remind them that Britannia is an island.

an old photo

2008-04-03T00:08:00.004-05:00

While I am probably related to someone in the picture, I have no idea who. I thought I would put this up so google can find it and perhaps someone somewhere will have an interest in it.

click for much larger image (about 600KB)

U.S. Army 131st Field Artillery, Camp Stuart, VA
March 17, 1919

inscribed :
"131st Reg. F.A. A.E.F., Mch 17th '19
Photo by Holladay Newport News, VA #3356"
(F.A.A.E.F. is the Field Artillery, American Expeditionary Force)

The sensual saint

2008-03-25T16:02:00.002-05:00

Saint Francis et His Four Ladies by Joan Mowat Erikson

An interesting little book that I bought at a book sale a few years ago. It includes this quote from Archivum Historicum, vol.13, trans. Nesta de Robeck, Quaracchi, 1920 concerning a dream/vision had by Lady Clare about Saint Francis of Assisi. Erikson prefaced the quote with "(Clare saw Francis as having the attributes) of a nourishing mother, being a source of both spiritual and sensual sustenance." Personally, I think the sensual aspects overwhelms the motherly aspects.

"The Lady Clare also told that once she had seen St. Francis in a vision and she was bringing him a jug of hot water and with this she was ascending a long stairway, but so easily that it was as though she walked on the level earth. When she reached Saint Francis, he bared his breast saying: "Come, take and drink." And having sucked the Saint exhorted her to do so again: which doing what she sucked was so sweet and delightful that she could in no way describe it. And having sucked, that roundness, or the mouth of the pap from which the milk flowed remained in the mouth of blessed Clare; and if taken in the hand what had remained in her mouth seemed something bright and shining in which all could be seen as in a mirror, in which she saw her own reflection."

(I also can't help but wonder if there may have been a translation error somewhere)

random thoughts about wildlife

2008-03-21T10:39:00.001-05:00

random thoughts and observations about beaver...
1) Many beavers are industrious and work hard causing them to perspire - consequently those are sweaty beavers.
2) While building dams, beavers spend a lot of time in the water and become wet and slippery.
3) Nothing seems to makes a beaver happier than having a big piece of wood between its lips.

Ex libris

2008-03-19T14:35:00.004-05:00

I've always wanted a bookplate. They seem cool. Classy. Something everyone should have. Then I realized :
1) I don't like defiling books. Sticking a bookplate does seem like book abuse
2) marking books to say "this is mine" seems pointless. I know it is mine. Does anyone else care. I doubt anyone will walk up to my book shelves and bewilderedly ask whose books are these? Perhaps if I lent my books to a wider group of people...
3) If I don't have a reason for a bookplate then having one would be vain
4) I have quite a few books and I don't want to go to the trouble of adding a bookplate to each

However, I kept doodling even as I thought of the above.

dangerous alligator

2008-03-15T19:00:00.001-05:00

nothing spells danger like an alligator with opposable thumbs.

smoking 2

2008-03-10T05:35:00.003-05:00

click to enlarge

my guess at the translation of the last panel : "After an evening of scratching, biting and rolling around in the dirt, my cock is tired and sore and I need a cigarette. A Philip Morris cigarette."

Nothing sells cigarettes like a cockfighting celebrity endorsement.

smoking

2008-03-08T11:02:00.002-06:00

click to enlarge

Since I can't read Filipino I can only guess that the smoking scuba diver is explaining the intricacies of smoking a cigarette while underwater while wearing a mask connected to an oxygen tank.

Smoking while swimming shows a real commitment.

grapefruits

2008-02-04T09:04:00.006-06:00

click to enlarge

I don't think Fouquet quite had a complete grasp of foreshortening as the Child appears to be floating.

I would call this an example of a Gilligan's Island boob job : a boob job that appears to have been done by the Professor from Gilligan's Island by inserting a coconut under the skin.

It seems the model was King Louis VII's mistress Agnès Sorel. I would have guessed that Jean Fouquet couldn't find a single female model in all of France so he substituted a pair of grapefruits. He included a large enough space between the breasts to add a third if he had so wished.

Angels painted bright devil red and dark blue? Um, okay then.

Mr Bangy Bunny

2008-01-24T06:15:00.001-06:00

it’s Friday, it’s not rabbit pie day….. or I’ll shoot yee!

Sent in by luckyfoot.

another by...luckyfoot

How to make Americans interested in Cricket

2008-01-11T07:03:00.001-06:00

click to enlarge

This is just wrong

2008-01-07T14:19:00.001-06:00

not a photoshop

theoretically useful

2008-01-03T12:15:00.000-06:00

Although advertised as a bathroom rug I think it might make a good welcome mat. If a girl comes to my door and I see her wipe her feet by stomping up and down and digging her heels into the rug for 5 minutes then I could close the door and pretend I wasn't home.

UPS truck

2007-12-31T18:11:00.001-06:00

click to enlarge
crappy cell phone picture helpfully annotated.

During winter that curve is a car magnet. I almost slid into that ditch once and that would have been exceptionally bad because there was already a car in the ditch. It is common to see a car in that ditch but this UPS truck was prodigious and made it well past the ditch, plowed through the arrow sign and made it well into the cornfield.

Sliding on snow or ice is an incredible amount of fun as long as I don't get stuck in a ditch, hit anyone or anything and no one hits me.

Something I never noticed as a kid

2007-12-30T15:34:00.001-06:00

not sure what is different about C3PO then click for a clarification
"I beg your pardon… what do you mean, 'naked'? My parts are showing?! My goodness!" ―C-3PO to R2-D2 in the Phantom Menace

Sure C3PO was whiney and prissy but now you know why Princess Leia kept him around. C3PO : love machine.

I checked Wookieepedia and it says he was fluent in 6 million forms of communication. You can tell just by looking at him that he specialized in the Romance languages. Note from the picture how, ahem, polished he is.

updated: I found this version

Either C-3PO was castrated by a jealous meat bag trying to keep a good robot down or it is detachable.

Popular with the ladies

2007-12-26T00:44:00.001-06:00

While Kuntz's is the place where all the guys want to get into this place draws the attention of the ladies.

click to enlarge

click to enlarge
Lousy picture i took while driving past at 40mph

Carl's Bakery, Cafe and Catering.
Examine the pictures for yourself and I think it is safe to say that Carl probably has the biggest cock in town. It is already wearing a hat and is ready for action. Nothing says you have baked goods for sale like erecting a big cock.

recycled Christmas

2007-12-22T04:50:00.002-06:00

my Christmas card from a few years ago...

click to enlarge

a place to eat

2007-12-18T11:02:00.001-06:00

Kuntz's Drive In

There are many things I could say about this...

update

I can't resist.

I've heard that if you eat there you risk getting hair stuck in your teeth.

If it merged with Super Duper Weenie would it be renamed In 'n' Out?

Imagine the advertising : "Eat at Kuntz's - your wife will appreciate it (because, you know, then she won't have to cook for you)"

Winter Wonderland!

2007-12-16T16:34:00.001-06:00

❄Winter Wonderland❄
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
In the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight,
We're happy tonight.
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Gone away is the bluebird,
Here to stay is a new bird
He sings a love song,
As we go along,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
He'll say: Are you married?
We'll say: No man,
But you can do the job
When you're in town.

Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid,
The plans that we've made,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he's a circus clown
We'll have lots of fun with mister snowman,
Until the other kids knock him down.

When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
Though your nose gets a chilling
We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

❅
contrary to some people's misconception this is not a Christmas song. In fact it is about winter in general. People don't complain that the song "Day Tripper" should only be heard when on a short vacation or when involved with that type of girl so people should lay off of me if I whistle Winter Wonderland all year long.
❄
"He'll say: Are you married? We'll say: No man"
Who knew people used "man" as a slang term in 1934 (when this was written)
❅
"we'll conspire as we dream by the fire"
admit it. That sounds like fun.
❄
"to face unafraid the plans that we made"
sound advice
❅
"we'll have fun with mr snowman until the other kiddies knock him down"
life isn't fair. an important life lesson. Often this part gets left out
❄
"We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way"
again, sounds like fun. I hear this part even less than the above. A wild guess : someone thought "the Eskimo way" sounded like sexual innuendo.
❅
(It isn't really a song about winter - secretly it is a love song)
❄

Fidel and the ten dollar bill green american

2007-12-15T03:54:00.001-06:00

http://history1900s.about.com/library/photos/blycastro.htm

A 1940 letter to Franklin D. Roosevelt, President of the United States, from Fidel Castro, budding dictator, asking :

"If you like, give me a ten dollar bill green american... because never I have not seen a ten dollar bill green american and I would like to have one of them."

I guess it never hurts to ask.

btw Is Castro dead yet?

If Castro were born into the internet age maybe he'd have become a Nigerian scam spammer. Or if he has himself cloned. A mini-Fidel.

Christmas nears

2007-12-14T08:27:00.001-06:00

Christmas nears and I have a list of things to do and no shopping done but apparently I have time for this.

click to enlarge
or sans the awful color.

Roland the red nosed dino had a very shiny nose. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names so he ate them. He's also sensitive about his overbite so don't mention it. He likes carrots and has problems with impulse control.

Japan looking East

2007-12-11T03:31:00.001-06:00

a few japanese drawings made during Commodore Perry's opening of Japan to trade in 1853-54.

Hiroshige woodblock drawing - That flag is wrong. Quite wrong. Too many stripes and interestingly, it was apparently looked upon as not a field of stars but as a print pattern. It is probably the USS Saratoga. It had 10 gun ports but it seems the artist may have decided to put the 10 gun ports in 2 rows.

Perry's ship the USS Mississippi was a hybrid sail / steam ship. The smokestack in the drawing appears made of wood or brick probably because that was the expected material for a chimney. Note the eyes on the ships masthead and stern: a black iris and a white sclera surrounded by a ring of blue. After all, it was the ship of the blue eyed barbarians - what else would blue-eyed refer to?
The Japanese vision of the USS Mississippi is fierce.

"I can pinch an inch, manboob-san!"

Japanese drawing of Commodore Perry. Not sure if I see the resemblance. Note the eyelids. I am slightly disturbed by the facial hair.

gesture question

2007-12-08T07:06:00.001-06:00

German-Italian WW2 propaganda poster
"per arruolarsi nella legione SS Italiana onore fedelta coraggio"
translates to
"to enlist in Italian SS legion loyalty honor courage" (or so says google)

Frankly, I think it looks like a rude gesture. I hate to show my ignorance but does the gesture still mean screw you with a wayward thumb sticking out? If so is it appeal to jerks to join up?

(I think it is poorly drawn too. The hand/wrist seems too broad. This bothers me.)

I can has gravity?

2007-12-05T20:17:00.000-06:00

jaw droppingly funny or incredibly mean

politically incorrect B-29

2007-12-05T11:02:00.002-06:00

sigh - this is why I love the internet. I vaguely recall a reading a book that had a picture of a WW2 bomber with a clever name painted on the side, a quick search later and I'm looking at it.

pic from here

Tiepolo Angels

2007-11-30T02:17:00.001-06:00

detail of Education of the Virgin (full picture)
the title sounds like an adult movie. Creepy disembodied angel heads. Curly hair that looks like the product of overnight curlers.

detail of Triumph of Zephyr and Flora (full picture)
Wha! Insect wings! Technically not angels but angel-like guys near Flora the Roman goddess of flowers & spring and Zephyr god of the spring winds.

detail of Martyrdom of St John Bishop of Bergamo (full picture)
must be a tailored shirt to fit the wings growing out of his armpits. Consider for a second the practical difficulties of putting a shirt on if you have giant wings on your back. (apparently, Saint John of Bergamo died of natural causes but due to a translation error was thought to have been assassinated)

Nobility and Virtue Striking Down Ignorance (larger picture)
one pervy angel with his hand up another angel's dress (surely not Virtue's dress!) or as I like to call it "Touched by an Angel" (the entire painting)

detail of Vision of Saint Anne (full picture)
creepy disembodied head angels alongside more normal angels. I would think that would mean that there is a specific distinction of some kind between them but I don't know what.
more on her

Take a deep breath...

2007-11-22T03:21:00.001-06:00

Take a deep breath, compose yourself, and then learn that :

1) in 2003 Galib Andang of the Philippine Islamist separatist terrorist group Abu Sayyaf was captured by the Philippine government. He was also known as Commander Robot.

2) He was not called Commander Robot because of his cold robot-like sense of mission or because of his android-like deep calculated planning. He was called Commander Robot because of his proficiency at doing the Robot dance. link

No news on the current locations of General Mashed Potato, Captain Electric Boogaloo or Corporal Cabbage Patch.

(I would like to mention that he was not a member of the Philippine terrorist group Moro Islamic Liberation Front - known by their initials MILF who are probably the world's most popular terrorist group if judged by a quick google search. MILF=over 23 million results vs al Qaeda=less than 4 million results)

potential ad for the 1.618 Weekly (version 2)

2007-11-17T07:37:00.000-06:00

Here is version 2 - I think more readable will hopefully prevent people from coming up to 1.618 and asking about towers or the archeology of Babylon.

I think it would look good on a t-shirt or a billboard.

Halloween

2007-10-30T23:06:00.001-05:00

Happy Halloween.

click to enlarge or else you won't be able to read it
please note Frankenstein's feet

Made for a friend and her husband who dressed up as Homer & Marge Simpson : Homer's ID badge and a Duff beer label (links to PDF files)

potential ad for the 1.618 Weekly

2007-10-28T23:54:00.000-05:00

potential ad for the 1.618 Weekly

modified from this which in turn was inspired by Bubblicious Bubble Gum

a mathematical proof

2007-10-27T17:53:00.001-05:00

I did not do this so I can not take credit for its cleverness. I found it on the internet somewhere. You have to admit it makes a compelling case.